; but now I know not how to discriminate, the beginnings are so
similar. Should these be my last lines in this journal, I desire to
ascribe all praise to the sovereign grace and unspeakable love of my
heavenly Father, who, from before the foundation of the world, set his
eye of redeeming love on me in the person of his dear and well-beloved
Son. I bless God for all the way he has led me; and vile and wretched
sinner as I feel I am, unworthily as I have in all my life served
him, yet I feel he has translated the affections of my inmost soul
from earth to heaven, from the creature to himself. As to the dear,
dear helpless children, I have committed them to his love, with the
full assurance that if he transplants me from hence to himself, to
join the partner of my earthly history, he will provide them much,
yea, very much better than I, or ten thousand fathers could do. To his
love and promises, then, in Christ Jesus, I leave them; and strange
and wonderful as his dealings appear, he has made my soul to acquiesce
in them. To all the family of the redeemed of the Lord, especially
those I know, I entreat you let your conversation be as it becometh
the gospel of Christ; always abound in his most holy work, for you
know your labour is not in vain in the Lord. Be as those who wait for
their Lord with your lamp trimmed, for shortly he who shall come will
come, and will not tarry. My soul embraces those I especially knew
with all its powers, and desires for them that Christ may exceedingly
be glorified in them, and by them, amen, and amen.

_May 17._--To-day the fever has almost entirely left me, so that I
feel a very little, except weakness, but never can I sufficiently
praise God for the experience of yesterday. I certainly never expected
again to have written in this journal, and few circumstances could
have apparently presented themselves more trying to the heart, to have
the prospect of soon leaving in a city like Bagdad, at this time,
three helpless children, and the impossibility of making those
provisions for them, which at another time might have been
comparatively easy, seemed altogether more than the heart could
support; yet so abundantly did the Lord allow his love to pass before
me, so fully did he assure me of his loving care, that I felt no doubt
for them--and, for myself, the prospect of soon joining him was
specially exhilarating. He allowed me to see my free and full
forgiveness and acceptance, and I never felt