ver, and the substitution of four extra drum-sticks for the
ordinary wings and thighs, are noteworthy characteristics.

Success in another branch of the same endeavour is shown in the latest
report of the Society for the Prolongation of Dachshunds. According
to this the worm-ideal seems at last to be in sight, careful
inter-breeding having now produced a variety called the Processional,
selected specimens of which take from one to two minutes in passing
any given spot. The almost entire disappearance of legs is another
attractive feature.

Meanwhile Major-Gen. Threebottle writes from Oporto Lodge, Ealing,
strongly protesting against any further complication of the fauna of
these islands, and pointing out that the simple snakes and cats of our
youth were already sufficiently formidable to a nervous invalid like
himself without the addition of such objectionable novelties.

* * * * *

"Without warning, while the car was travelling at about
fifteen miles per hour, the tyre of the front wheel
burst."--_Scotsman_.

Our tyres are much better trained, and each of the four gives a
distinctive cough before bursting.

* * * * *

"WAREHOUSEMAN (jun.), clothing dept., large
corporation."--_Advt. in_ "_Glasgow Herald_."

He should show off the new line in check waistcoats to the best
advantage.

* * * * *

THE SECRET OUT.

AN INTERVIEW.

He had a coarse confident face, a red nose, a Cockney accent and a
raucous voice. He was dressed as a sluttish woman.

Directly I saw him I was conscious of a feeling of repulsion, which I
fear my expression must have indicated, for he looked surprised.

"Why aren't you laughing?" he asked.

"Why should I laugh?" I asked in return.

"Because you are looking at me," he said. "I am accustomed to laughter
the instant I appear."

"Why?"

"Because I am a funny man," he said.

"How?"

"I look funny," he said; "I say funny things; I draw a good salary for
it. If I wasn't funny I shouldn't draw a good salary, should I?"

"You do draw it," I said guardedly. "Be funny now."

"'Wait till I catch you bending,'" he said with a violent grimace.
"'What ho! 'Ave a drop of gin, ole dear?'"

"Be funny now," I repeated.

He looked bewildered. "I _was_ being funny," he said. "I bring the
house down with that, as a rule."

"Where?"

"In panto," he said.

"Oh!" I replied.