OUR SUGGESTION FOR A SYSTEM OF ADVANCED PHYSICAL TRAINING FOR PRUSSIAN
OFFICERS BEFORE TAKING UP COMMANDS IN THE ALSATIAN DISTRICT, WHERE THE
POPULACE IS SAID TO BE ADDICTED TO HUMOUR.]

* * * * *

OLD FRIENDS.

I was in the train because I had to go to Birmingham; I was in the
dining car because I had to dine. With all respect to the Company I
cannot pretend that I regarded myself as doing anything remarkable or
distinguished. The little man opposite me, however, felt differently.
I have since been told that they of Birmingham are very proud of their
non-stop train service by both routes.

"This, Sir," said the stranger, as I lowered my paper to help myself
to a proffered roll--"this is one of the Two-Hour trains."

"You don't say," said I politely but not encouragingly.

"Two hours," he repeated impressively.

"Indeed? Two whole hours and not a moment less?" and I returned to my
paper pending the soup's arrival.

"Is it not wonderful," he resumed when I was at his mercy again,
"to be travelling at sixty miles an hour and eating soup at the same
time?"

"Some people eat soup," said I, "and some drink it. For myself, I give
it a miss;" and I returned to the news.

With the fish: "I came up by the breakfast train this morning," said
he, "and I now return by the dining train." He meant by this to give
credit to the Company rather than to himself, but even so it seemed to
fall short of the complete ideal. There was something wanting. It was
luncheon, of course.

"They run luncheon cars too," said he.

"Then there seems to be no reason why you should ever leave the train
at all," I remarked, seeking refuge again in my paper. In spite,
however, of my coldness, he continued to assail me with similar facts
every time I emerged. Finally he took a sheet of slightly soiled paper
and pencilled on it a schedule of our movements. It ran:--

Mileage. Place. Time.

-- Euston 6.55 P.M.
51/2 Willesden [7.4] "
171/2 Watford [7.18] "
463/4 Bletchley [7.50] "
821/4 Rugby [8.24] "
941/4 Coventry [8.36] "
113 Birmingham 8.55 "

"To give this the very careful consideration it deserves," said I, "I
must be left absolutely to myself."

Later on, feeling that I had perhaps been rude, I offered the man a
cigar by way of compensation. He accepted it as a mark of esteem and
burst forth into