only take pattern by Ivan Ivanovitch and Ivan
Nikiforovitch, they are friends indeed! such friends! such worthy
people!' There you are with your friend! Tell me what this is about. How
is it?"

"It is a delicate business, Demyan Demyanovitch; it is impossible to
relate it in words: be pleased rather to read my plaint. Here, take it
by this side; it is more convenient."

"Read it, Taras Tikhonovitch," said the judge, turning to the secretary.

Taras Tikhonovitch took the plaint; and blowing his nose, as all
district judges' secretaries blow their noses, with the assistance of
two fingers, he began to read:--

"From the nobleman and landed proprietor of the Mirgorod District,
Ivan Pererepenko, son of Ivan, a plaint: concerning which the following
points are to be noted:--

"1. Ivan Dovgotchkun, son of Nikifor, nobleman, known to all the world
for his godless acts, which inspire disgust, and in lawlessness exceed
all bounds, on the seventh day of July of this year 1810, inflicted upon
me a deadly insult, touching my personal honour, and likewise tending to
the humiliation and confusion of my rank and family. The said nobleman,
of repulsive aspect, has also a pugnacious disposition, and is full to
overflowing with blasphemy and quarrelsome words."

Here the reader paused for an instant to blow his nose again; but the
judge folded his hands in approbation and murmured to himself, "What a
ready pen! Lord! how this man does write!"

Ivan Ivanovitch requested that the reading might proceed, and Taras
Tikhonovitch went on:--

"The said Ivan Dovgotchkun, son of Nikifor, when I went to him with a
friendly proposition, called me publicly by an epithet insulting and
injurious to my honour, namely, a goose, whereas it is known to the
whole district of Mirgorod, that I never was named after that disgusting
creature, and have no intention of ever being named after it. The proof
of my noble extraction is that, in the baptismal register to be found in
the Church of the Three Bishops, the day of my birth, and likewise the
fact of my baptism, are inscribed. But a goose, as is well known to
every one who has any knowledge of science, cannot be inscribed in
the baptismal register; for a goose is not a man but a fowl; which,
likewise, is sufficiently well known even to persons who have not been
to college. But the said evil-minded nobleman, being privy to all these
facts, affronted me with the aforesaid foul word, for no other purpos