can give you lessons. It is so decreed
with regard to people, as if you, for instance, were to steal a
document; but a sow is an animal, one of God's creatures."

"Certainly; but the law reads, 'Those guilty of theft'--I beg of you to
listen most attentively--'Those guilty!' Here is indicated neither race
nor sex nor rank: of course an animal can be guilty. You may say what
you please; but the animal, until the sentence is pronounced by the
court, should be committed to the charge of the police as a transgressor
of the law."

"No, Peter Feodorovitch," retorted Ivan Ivanovitch coolly, "that shall
not be."

"As you like: only I must carry out the orders of the authorities."

"What are you threatening me with? Probably you want to send that
one-armed soldier after her. I shall order the woman who tends the door
to drive him off with the poker: he'll get his last arm broken."

"I dare not dispute with you. In case you will not commit the sow to
the charge of the police, then do what you please with her: kill her for
Christmas, if you like, and make hams of her, or eat her as she is.
Only I should like to ask you, in case you make sausages, to send me a
couple, such as your Gapka makes so well, of blood and lard. My Agrafena
Trofimovna is extremely fond of them."

"I will send you a couple of sausages if you permit."

"I shall be extremely obliged to you, dear friend and benefactor. Now
permit me to say one word more. I am commissioned by the judge, as well
as by all our acquaintances, so to speak, to effect a reconciliation
between you and your friend, Ivan Nikiforovitch."

"What! with that brute! I to be reconciled to that clown! Never! It
shall not be, it shall not be!" Ivan Ivanovitch was in a remarkably
determined frame of mind.

"As you like," replied the chief of police, treating both nostrils to
snuff. "I will not venture to advise you; but permit me to mention--here
you live at enmity, and if you make peace..."

But Ivan Ivanovitch began to talk about catching quail, as he usually
did when he wanted to put an end to a conversation. So the chief
of police was obliged to retire without having achieved any success
whatever.

CHAPTER VI

FROM WHICH THE READER CAN EASILY DISCOVER WHAT IS CONTAINED IN IT

In spite of all the judge's efforts to keep the matter secret, all
Mirgorod knew by the next day that Ivan Ivanovitch's sow had stolen Ivan
Nikiforovitch's petition. The chief of police himself, in a