for the
Russian Emperor. Her mother kept up relations with such Russians as
she knew or who were with the Russian Embassy when in Washington. And
later, when she grew up, Nelka continually kept up with her Russian
friends.

I think characteristic of Nelka was her highly emotional expressions
of loyalty and devotion, an emotion which dominated all of her life
and all of her actions. Anything she did or undertook was primarily
motivated by emotion or feeling rather than reason, but once decided
upon was carried out with determination and a great deal of will
power.

But because the difference of national attachments and the resulting
conflict there was always a tearing apart and a division, a duality
of attachments both to Russia and to America, and this seems to have
been an emotional disturbance which lasted with her for a great many
years.

Her first, overwhelming emotional feeling was a patriotic
nationalistic devotion to Russia and a mystic devotion to the Emperor
and the Russian Orthodox Church. Then her next emotional feelings
embraced the devotion and loyalty for her family and her kin.

But in Russia she had no relatives and all her family was in America.
Because of that there seemed always a conflict of emotions,
attachments and loyalties which dominated as a disturbance throughout
her life, at least through the first half of it. This conflict of
feelings was upsetting and painful and she suffered a great deal from
the frustrations that these emotions often brought about.

The Russian education of feelings for Russia which her mother tried
to install in her succeeded, for throughout life Nelka remained a
faithful Russian in all of her feelings and while having so many ties
in America, and being herself half American, she was constantly in
conflict with the 'American way of life.'

From her early childhood Nelka had a tremendous love and devotion not
only to her mother but also to her two aunts, Miss Blow and Mrs.
Wadsworth. When in America she and her mother would stay either in
Ashantee with the Wadsworths or in Cazenovia where Miss Blow had her
home.

Early in life she was seeking and trying to think things out. She was
never satisfied, never ready to accept something but always tried to
analyze it through her own thinking. At the age of twenty she wrote
in 1898:

"I have absolutely no facility for expression; that is what is the
matter. I see persons so clever, so talented, and genuine in their