ow. I have experienced very keen
physical pleasure, mingled with what I took to be great mental
exaltation and quickening of the emotions. This condition was
brought about by close contact with the body of my friend,
usually by lying upon it. But if by 'gratification' it is meant
that desire, having been completely satisfied, ceases
temporarily, I think I have never had that experience. If I did,
it was when I was about 18 when I lived with a girl friend in
intimate relations. Of late years, at any rate, it has never
happened to me, and an embrace, however close, always leaves me
with a desire for a closer union, both physical and spiritual. So
a few years since, I came to the conclusion that it was
impossible to obtain physical satisfaction through the woman I
loved. I came to this conclusion because of the bad physical
effects of contact. My sexual organs became highly sensitive and
inflamed and I suffered pain from the inflammation and resulting
leucorrhea. Should I allow myself to indulge in caresses this
condition would return. My friend, fortunately, though very
affectionate and demonstrative toward me, has very little sexual
passion. The idea that our relationship is based upon it is very
repugnant to her. I was at one time, a few years since, much
discouraged and almost hopeless of being able to overcome my
appetite, and I decided that we could not associate unless I
succeeded. At present, with help, I have very largely succeeded
in living with my friend on a basis of normal, though
affectionate and tender, companionship. I have been helped more,
and have learned more, through this companionship, than through
anything else. The keen pleasure that I have felt when in
responsive contact I never experienced in masturbation. So far as
I remember it never took place till I was well along in my 'teens
and was never an habitual practice, except the first summer I was
separated from a school friend whom I loved. Thoughts of her
aroused feelings which I attempted to satisfy in this way, but
the entire sensuality of the act soon led me to refrain and to
see that that was not what I wanted.

"A peculiar incident that might have some significance occurred
to me about five years ago. I was sitting in a small room where a
seminar was being conducted. The leader of the discussion