simply lacked; that I never doubted.
Curiously enough, I thought that the ultimate explanation might
be that there were men's minds in women's bodies, but I was more
concerned in finding a way of life than in asking riddles without
answers.

"I thought that one day when I had money and opportunity I would
dress in men's clothes and go to another country, in order that I
might be unhampered by sex considerations and conventions. I
determined to live an honorable, upright, but simple life.

"I had no idea at first that homosexual attractions in women
existed; afterward observations on the lower animals put the idea
into my head. I made no preparation in my mind for any sexual
life, though I thought it would be a dreary business repressing
my body all my days.

"My relations with other women were entirely pure. My attitude
toward my sexual physical feelings was one of reserve and
repression, and I think the growing conviction of my radical
deficiency somewhere, would have made intimate affection for
anyone, with any demonstration in it, a kind of impropriety for
which I had no taste.

"However, between 21 and 24 other things happened to me.

"During these few years I saw plenty of men and plenty of women.
As regards the men I liked them very well, but I never thought
the man would turn up with whom I should care to live. Several
men were very friendly with me and three in particular used to
write me letters and give me much of their confidence. I invited
two of them to visit at my house. All these men talked to me with
freedom and even told me about their sexual ideas and doings. One
asked me to believe that he was leading a good life; the other
two owned that they were not. One discussed the question of
homosexuality with me; he has never married. I liked one of them
a good deal, being attracted by his softness and gentleness and
almost feminine voice. It was hoped that I would take to him and
he very cautiously made love to me. I allowed him to kiss me a
few times and wrote him a few responsive letters, wondering what
I liked in him. Someone then commented on the acquaintance and
said 'marriage,' and I woke up to the fact that I did not really
want him at all. I think he found the friendship too insipid and
was glad to be out of it. All these men were a trifle femin