. I felt that, if I had fallen in love with her, I would have
become a Mussulman in order to possess her, and that I might soon have
repented such a step, for the religion of Mahomet presented to my eyes
and to my mind nothing but a disagreeable picture, as well for this life
as for a future one. As for wealth, I did not think it deserved the
immense sacrifice demanded from me. I could find equal wealth in Europe,
without stamping my forehead with the shameful brand of apostasy. I cared
deeply for the esteem of the persons of distinction who knew me, and did
not want to render myself unworthy of it. Besides, I felt an immense
desire to obtain fame amongst civilized and polite nations, either in the
fine arts or in literature, or in any other honourable profession, and I
could not reconcile myself to the idea of abandoning to my equals the
triumph which I might win if I lived amongst them. It seemed to me, and I
am still of the same opinion, that the decision of wearing the turban
befits only a Christian despairing of himself and at the end of his wits,
and fortunately I was lost not in that predicament. My greatest objection
was to spend a year in Adrianople to learn a language for which I did not
feel any liking, and which I should therefore have learned but
imperfectly. How could I, at my age, renounce the prerogative, so
pleasant to my vanity, of being reputed a fine talker? and I had secured
that reputation wherever I was known. Then I would often think that
Zelmi, the eighth wonder of creation in the eyes of her father might not
appear such in my eyes, and it would have been enough to make me
miserable, for Yusuf was likely to live twenty years longer, and I felt
that gratitude, as well as respect, would never have permitted me to give
that excellent man any cause for unhappiness by ceasing to shew myself a
devoted and faithful husband to his daughter. Such were my thoughts, and,
as Yusuf could not guess them, it was useless to make a confidant of him.

A few days afterwards, I dined with the Pacha Osman and met my Effendi
Ismail. He was very friendly to me, and I reciprocated his attentions,
though I paid no attention to the reproaches he addressed to me for not
having come to breakfast with him for such a long time. I could not
refuse to dine at his house with Bonneval, and he treated me to a very
pleasing sight; Neapolitan slaves, men and women, performed a pantomime
and some Calabrian dances. M. de Bonneval happe