e very day of my
installation at M. D---- R-----'s, and she made a great impression upon
me. I thought I was gazing at a supernatural being, so infinitely above
all the women I had ever seen, that it seemed impossible to fall in love
with her She appeared to me of a nature different and so greatly superior
to mine that I did not see the possibility of rising up to her. I even
went so far as to persuade myself that nothing but a Platonic friendship
could exist between her and M. D---- R-----, and that M. F---- was quite
right now not to shew any jealousy. Yet, that M. F---- was a perfect fool,
and certainly not worthy of such a woman. The impression made upon me by
Madame F---- was too ridiculous to last long, and the nature of it soon
changed, but in a novel manner, at least as far as I was concerned.

My position as adjutant procured me the honour of dining at M.
D---- R-----'s table, but nothing more. The other adjutant, like me, an
ensign in the army, but the greatest fool I had ever seen, shared that
honour with me. We were not, however, considered as guests, for nobody
ever spoke to us, and, what is more, no one ever honoured us with a look.
It used to put me in a rage. I knew very well that people acted in that
manner through no real contempt for us, but it went very hard with me. I
could very well understand that my colleague, Sanzonio, should not
complain of such treatment, because he was a blockhead, but I did not
feel disposed to allow myself to be put on a par with him. At the end of
eight or ten days, Madame F----, not having con descended to cast one
glance upon my person, began to appear disagreeable to me. I felt piqued,
vexed, provoked, and the more so because I could not suppose that the
lady acted in that manner wilfully and purposely; I would have been
highly pleased if there had been premeditation on her part. I felt
satisfied that I was a nobody in her estimation, and as I was conscious
of being somebody, I wanted her to know it. At last a circumstance
offered itself in which, thinking that she could address me, she was
compelled to look at me.

M. D---- R---- having observed that a very, very fine turkey had been
placed before me, told me to carve it, and I immediately went to work. I
was not a skilful carver, and Madame F----, laughing at my want of
dexterity, told me that, if I had not been certain of performing my task
with credit to myself, I ought not to have undertaken it. Full of
confusion,