agoons. As the result of a reckless wager,
he foolishly swam the Danube, mounted and in full armor, while heated
from the exertion of a ride. This escapade, which occurred while he was
far away in Hungary, cost him his life. My older brother, my father's
favorite, held an appointment as a member of provincial council. In
constant opposition to the governor of the province, he even went so
far as to promulgate untruthful statements in order to injure his
opponent, being secretly incited thereto, as rumor had it, by our
father. An investigation followed, and my brother took French leave of
the country. Our father's enemies, of whom there were many, utilized
this circumstance to bring about his downfall. Attacked on all sides,
and at the same time enraged at the waning of his influence, he
delivered daily the most bitter speeches at the meetings of the council,
and it was in the middle of a speech that he suffered a stroke of
apoplexy. They brought him home, bereft of the power of speech. I myself
heard nothing of all this. The next day in the chancery I noticed that
the men were whispering secretly and pointing at me with their fingers.
But I was accustomed to such treatment and paid no further attention to
it. On the following Friday--the sad event had occurred on a
Wednesday--a black suit of clothes with crepe was suddenly brought to my
room. I was naturally astonished, asked for the reason, and was informed
of what had taken place. Ordinarily my body is strong and capable of
resistance, but then I was completely overcome. I fell to the floor in a
swoon. They carried me to bed, where I lay in a fever and was delirious
throughout the day and the entire night. The next morning my strong
constitution had conquered, but my father was dead and buried.

"I had not been able to speak to him again, to ask his forgiveness for
all the sorrow I had brought upon him, or to thank him for all the
undeserved favors--yes, favors, for his intentions had been good; and
some time I hope to meet him again where we are judged by our intentions
and not by our acts.

"For several days I kept my room and scarcely touched any food. At last
I went out, but came home again immediately after dinner. Only in the
evening I wandered about the dark streets like Cain, the murderer of his
brother. My father's house appeared to me a dreadful phantom, and I
avoided it most carefully. But once, staring vacantly before me, I found
myself unexpectedly in th