ch. I am perfectly natural with all
my friends, and hate all restraint. I now also count Bigot among them,
and if anything I do displeases him, friendship demands from him and you
to tell me so--and I will certainly take care not to offend him again;
but how can good Marie put such bad meaning on my actions!

With regard to my invitation to take a drive with you and Caroline, it
was natural that, as Bigot, the day before, was opposed to your going
out alone with me, I was forced to conclude that you both probably found
it unbecoming or objectionable--and when I wrote to you, I only wished
to make you understand that I saw no harm in it. And so, when I further
declared that I attached great value to your not declining, this was
only that I might induce you to enjoy the splendid, beautiful day; I was
thinking more of your and Caroline's pleasure than of mine, and I
thought, _if I declared that mistrust on your part or a refusal would be
a real offense to me_, by this means almost to compel you to yield to my
wish. The matter really deserves careful reflection on your part as to
how you can make amends for having spoilt this day so bright for me,
owing as much to my frame of mind as to the cheerful weather. When I
said that you misunderstand me, your present judgment of me shows that I
was quite right--not to speak of what you thought to yourself about it.
When I said that something bad would come of it if I came to you, this
was more as a joke. The object was to show you how much everything
connected with you attracts me, so that I have no greater wish than to
be able always to live with you; and that is the truth. Even supposing
there was a hidden meaning in it, the most holy friendship can often
have secrets, but on that account to misinterpret the secret of a friend
because one cannot at once fathom it--that you ought not to do. Dear
Bigot, dear Marie, never, never will you find me ignoble. From childhood
onwards I learnt to love virtue--and all that is beautiful and good. You
have deeply pained me; but it shall only serve to render our friendship
ever firmer. Today I am really not well, and it would be difficult for
me to see you. Since yesterday, after the quartet, my sensitiveness and
my imagination pictured to me the thought that I had caused you
suffering. I went at night to the ball for distraction, but in vain.
Everywhere the picture of you all pursued me; it kept saying to me--they
are so good and perhaps throug