removed his Collar, he felt his way over to the window and
denounced in unmeasured Terms an English Sparrow that had perched on
the Sill, merely to annoy him.

In a little while he remembered that he was a Resident of the Planet
known as Earth. Soon after that his Name came back to him and then he
recalled his Boyhood and the Fact that when he passed the Parsonage the
Presbyterian Minister would ask him to pick some of the Lilacs and
Snowballs and take them home to his Sister Alice.

From that Point he groped through his Life History up to the Twilight
on which the Regulars had arranged a Send-Off for Old Buck, who was
pulling out for Seattle. In order that Buck should remember them as
True Friends, they had covertly planned to get him Saturated to the
Eye-Balls and then ship him on to his new Home, spread out in
Stateroom B, with long-stemmed Roses laid across the Remains. This
form of homicidal Gayety is perpetuated under the name of American
Hospitality.

Our Hero remembered the polite Get-away on the Low Speed with
everybody Respectable, after which the Fountains started to gush and
Waiters began to come up out of the Ground bearing Fairy Gifts of a
Liquid Variety. Somewhat later in the Evening he found himself
balanced on one Toe on a swiftly-moving Cloud, announcing to the Stars
of Night that he was a True Sport.

In other words, he realized, as he sat humped over in the Morris Chair,
holding on to the Head, lest it should fall off and roll across the
floor, that he had been Snooted for Fair, Plastered, Ossified,
Benzoated, Piped, Pickled, Spifficated, Corned, Raddled, Obfuscated,
Soused and Ory-Eyed.

Six hours before, he had stood on a Table and declared for the
Brotherhood of Man, and now he craved but one Companion and that was
old Colonel R. E. Morse.

Standing over in the Sunlight by the Window, where he could see the
innocent Shop-Girls going blithely to their $6 a week, he lifted
the trembling Right Mitt clear above his Head and then and there
declared himself to be on the Cart until the great Celestial Bodies
should skid in their Orbits and the Globe itself dissolve into Vapor.

Just as he pronounced the Words, "nev-ER A-gen," he felt a great Flood
of worthy Resolutions arising in his new Moral Nature. He would buy a
Winchester Automatic and devote the remainder of his wasted Life to
shooting up Barkeeps. And when he died, the whole Estate would go to
the W. C. T. U.

Just after he had do