fe to tell
her that it had been a Great Success.

MORAL: If they were paid $3 a Head to stand for it, no one would attend.

HE SHOULD HAVE OVERSLEPT

One Morning a Precinct Parasite owing Allegiance to a Political Party
of Progressive Principles went around to the dinge office of a Fuel
Supply Co. to pull off the customary Fake Primary.

He was met at the Door by a broad-faced Lady of benevolent Mien and
black Ribbons on her Nose-Glasses, who told him to use the Mat and
not track up the Place.

"What is the Idea?" asked the alcoholic Henchman, looking vainly
about for Bottle-Nose Curley, Mike the Pike, and Smitty the Dip, who
always had been his Associates in the sacred Task of registering the
Will of the People.

Instead of the old familiar strong-arm Phalanx, he saw a Bevy of plump
Joans who were hanging Chintz Curtains, arranging a neat design of
Sweet Peas around the Ballot Box and getting ready to fire up a
Samovar. When he glanced into the Polling Booth and saw that it was
draped with Doilies he nearly had a Hemorrhage.

"This is the Glad Day you have heard so much about," replied Laura
Chivington Cadbury, displaying her dainty Badge, which showed that she
was a Judge. "You will be expected to wear Gray Gloves with a Morning
Coat and put a Carnation in your Lapel. As the Voters arrive, you
will softly inquire their Names and lead them along the Receiving Line
and make sure that each is given either a Macaroon or an Olive."

That evening when they sorted the Votes, and decided to throw out all
that were Soiled or folded Improperly, he was over in a corner making
out a list of Guests for the waiting Reporters.

MORAL: Equal Suffrage will have a demoralizing Effect upon one of the
principal Sexes.

THE DANCING MAN

Once there was a Porch Rat, who was also a Parlor Snake and a Hammock
Hellion. He worked the popular Free Lunch Routes for thirty years
before deciding to hook up and begin paying for his own Food and Drink.

When he started flitting from Bud to Debutante to Ingenue to Fawn to
Broiler to Kiddykadee back in 1880, he was a famous Beau with skin-
tight Trousers, a white Puff Tie run through a Gold Ring and a Hat
lined with Puff Satin, the same as a Child's Coffin.

In 1890 he was parting his Hair in the Middle, in imitation of a good
Bird Dog, and had been promoted to the Veteran Corps of the iron-legged
Dancing Men and the insatiable Diners-Out. He would eat on his Friends
about s