.

Chapter 2.XXIII.

--'All is not gain that is got into the purse.'--So that notwithstanding
my father had the happiness of reading the oddest books in the universe,
and had moreover, in himself, the oddest way of thinking that ever
man in it was bless'd with, yet it had this drawback upon him after
all--that it laid him open to some of the oddest and most whimsical
distresses; of which this particular one, which he sunk under at
present, is as strong an example as can be given.

No doubt, the breaking down of the bridge of a child's nose, by the edge
of a pair of forceps--however scientifically applied--would vex any
man in the world, who was at so much pains in begetting a child, as
my father was--yet it will not account for the extravagance of his
affliction, nor will it justify the un-christian manner he abandoned and
surrendered himself up to.

To explain this, I must leave him upon the bed for half an hour--and my
uncle Toby in his old fringed chair sitting beside him.

Chapter 2.XXIV.

--I think it a very unreasonable demand--cried my great-grandfather,
twisting up the paper, and throwing it upon the table.--By this account,
madam, you have but two thousand pounds fortune, and not a shilling
more--and you insist upon having three hundred pounds a year jointure
for it.--

--'Because,' replied my great-grandmother, 'you have little or no nose,
Sir.'--

Now before I venture to make use of the word Nose a second time--to
avoid all confusion in what will be said upon it, in this interesting
part of my story, it may not be amiss to explain my own meaning,
and define, with all possible exactness and precision, what I would
willingly be understood to mean by the term: being of opinion, that 'tis
owing to the negligence and perverseness of writers in despising this
precaution, and to nothing else--that all the polemical writings in
divinity are not as clear and demonstrative as those upon a Will o' the
Wisp, or any other sound part of philosophy, and natural pursuit; in
order to which, what have you to do, before you set out, unless you
intend to go puzzling on to the day of judgment--but to give the world
a good definition, and stand to it, of the main word you have most
occasion for--changing it, Sir, as you would a guinea, into small
coin?--which done--let the father of confusion puzzle you, if he can; or
put a different idea either into your head, or your reader's head, if he
knows how.

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