_me_ if it had been known, but that did not influence
me. (_More cheers_.) I thought only of my children. Let me tell you
now _why_ I stole it.

_Renee (eagerly_). Let me guess. Your wife was starving--

_Merital (astounded_). Wonderful! How ever did you know?

_Renee_. --and you meant to repay the money.

_Merital_. More and more marvellous. Yes, Renee, that was how it was.
But it hardly does justice to the affair. It is too short. I want to
tell you the story of my _whole_ life and then you will understand.
Watch my face carefully and observe how it works; notice the constant
movement of my hands; listen to the inflections of my voice. This is
going to be the longest speech ever made by an actor-manager, and you
mustn't miss a moment of it. H'r'm! Now then. (_Nobly_) I was born
fifty-three years ago. My father....

_Renee (half-an-hour later_). I still love you.

_Merital (with some truth_). What a love yours is!

_Enter_ Daniel, Julien _and_ Georgette Merital.

_Daniel_. Father, we have a confession to make. For some time we
doubted your innocence. Your face--well, you'd have doubted it
yourself if you'd seen it.

_Merital (taking his hand affectionately_). Ah! Daniel, I see I must
tell you the story of my life. (_Excitement among the audience_.) And
you too, Julien. (_Panic_.) Yes, and--little Georgette!

SAFETY CURTAIN.

A. A. M.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE EARTHLY PARADISE.

_Coster_. "SEE THAT, LIZ? THERE'S A COUNTRY FOR YOU!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: PEACEFUL PERSUASION.

(JONES IS NOT NATURALLY A GENEROUS MAN.)]

* * * * *

THE ROMANCE OF A BATTLESHIP.

_(From the Navy League Annual of 1916.)_

I have just returned (writes a Naval correspondent) from an
interesting visit to the condemned battleship, _H.M.S. Indefensible_,
which is now anchored off Brightlingsea, in the charge of retired
petty-officer Herbert Tompkins and his wife.

The history of _H.M.S. Indefensible_, as gathered from the lips of her
present curator, is so romantic as to be worthy of permanent record.
In reply to my first question, "Whom did she belong to first of
all?" Mr. Tompkins said, "Well, she was ordered first of all by the
Argentine Republic, but, owing to a change of Government, they sold
her to the Italians. I remember the launch at Barrow quite well," he
said. "It was a mighty fine show, with the Italia