n: THE HOLIDAY ENTERTAINERS.

_Extract from Mr. Herbert Stodge's letter to his sister._ "WE WERE
GLAD TO HAVE OUR NEPHEW AND NIECE WITH US, BUT, FRANKLY, THEY ARE TOO
SOLEMN.

"WE TOOK THEM TO THE PANTOMIME;

THEY CAME OUT GOLFING WITH US;

AND WE ALLOWED THEM TO SIT UP LATE,

BUT THE ONLY TIME THEY SMILED WAS WHEN THEY SAID GOOD-BYE."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: AT OUR LOCAL FANCY CARNIVAL.

_Individual in Tights_. "I SAY, THIS PLACE IS BEASTLY WARM--I THINK
I'LL CUT OFF HOME."

_The One with the Scythe_. "I THINK I WILL ALSO. I WONDER WHAT THE
TIME IS?"]

* * * * *

THE SUBSCRIPTION.

Charles, when our protest was lodged, merely replied that our favour
of the 10th inst. was to hand, and that he really could not see his
way to moving further in the matter. Let me explain the present extent
of Charles's movement.

Miss Donelan, who ought to have known better, had allowed herself to
be saddled with a thing called a Branch subscription list on behalf of
the St. Nicholas New Year Offering.

Having exploited the probables and possibles she finally handed the
document on to me with instructions to tout it round among my friends.
(This is the sort of thing you get nowadays for placing your life at a
young woman's disposal.)

Unfortunately I have no friends just now, except what I want to keep.
While I was thus at a loss, Charles came to stay for a few days three
doors off. He lives a long way away and would have time to forget
before I saw him again. So on the day before his departure I bearded
him like a man.

"Charles," I began, "you are fabulously rich. Your income comes in at
such a pace that you hardly ever know within five shillings how much
you have at the bank."

Charles blinked through the smoke of a violet-tipped cigarette.

"What about it?" he asked.

"This," I said; "I am, very reluctantly, offering you the chance of
doing good. All you have to do is to sign your name here for anything
up to a hundred pounds, and the good does itself. It is the Saint
Nicholas New Year Offering."

"What does it do?" asked Charles uncomfortably.

"Do?" I answered. "Why, I don't think it does exactly _do_. You see
it's a New Year Offering."

"I see," said Charles. "It doesn't do; it offers. Just like a Member
of Parliament."

"I wish," I said, "instead of being funny at other people's expense
you would be serious at your own, and tell me ex