actly how much I can
put you down for?"

"There you go again," said Charles. "You want me to think of some
definite amount on the spot. You know I hate thinking, and I hate
definite amounts. And I loathe doing anything on the spot."

I looked at the subscription list. The last entry was:--

Major-General R. Hewland, L5 5s. 0d.

"You needn't do any thinking," I explained patiently. "You need only
stick down exactly the same as the last man. And if you'll promise to
do it I'll leave the list with you, and you can fill it in when you
feel sufficiently off the spot."

"Exactly the same?" asked Charles.

"Exactly," I said, with rising hopes.

"All right," said Charles. "I'll let you have it some time."

Four days later, at Miss Donelan's urgent request, I wrote to Charles
for it. It came in less than forty-eight hours.

Extract from conclusion of subscription list returned by Charles:--

Major-General R. Hewland, L5 5s. 0d.

" " " " " " "

* * * * *

DINNER-TABLE TOPICS.

"MR. LLOYD GEORGE
GOING TO A WARMER CLIMATE."

_Midland Evening News_.

* * * * *

ANOTHER ACCIDENT TO AN INFINITIVE.

"It is good news to at last hear that progress is being made
again towards healing the 'split.'"--_Nottingham Football
Post_.

So far not much progress is visible.

* * * * *

"Lord and Lady Arthur Hill arrived at Maples yesterday from
London."--_Observer_.

And Mrs. and Miss Tomkins (in pursuit of bargains) continue to arrive
daily at Peter Snelbody's from Cricklewood.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE SPLENDID PAUPERS.

FIRST TURKISH OFFICIAL (_presented with a photograph of the new
Turkish Navy in lieu of six months' deferred pay_). "SO, WE'VE GOT A
_DREADNOUGHT_, HAVE WE?"

SECOND TURKISH OFFICIAL. "I DON'T KNOW WHO GETS THE DREAD, BUT I KNOW
WE'VE GOT THE NOUGHT."]

* * * * *

THE SPELL

_whereby the Good People may be brought back to a house which
they have deserted_.

Fairies!--whatsoever sprite
Near about us dwells--
You who roam the hills at night,
You who haunt the dells--
Where you harbour, hear us!
By the Lady Hecate's might,
Hearken and come near us!

Though we greatly fear, alack!
Cloddish unbelief
Angered you and made you pack