hole harem for conduct unbecoming to a potent-ate, and so when
we got to the jail dad had to be rescued from his wives, and they were
driven into a side street by the police, and dad was locked up to save
his life. The reporter and I went to the jail to get him out, but we had
to buy a new suit of clothes for him, as everything was torn off him in
the Mormon rush.

[Illustration: Dad was a sight when we found him in jail 155]

Dad was a sight when we found him in jail, and he thought his bones
were broken, and he wanted to know what was the cause of his sudden
popularity with the fair sex, and I told him it all came from his
looking so confounded distinguished, and his flirting with women. He
said he would swear he never looked at one of those women in a tone of
voice that would deceive a Sunday school teacher, and he felt as though
he was being misunderstood in France. We told him the only way to get
out of jail was to say he was a crowned head from Oshkosh, traveling
incog, and when he began to stand on his dignity and demand that a
messenger be sent for the president of France, to apologize for the
treatment he had received, the jailer and police begged his pardon and
we dressed him up in his new clothes and got him out, and we went to the
Eiffel tower to get some fresh air.

I suppose you have seen pictures of the Eiffel tower, on the
advertisements of breakfast food in your grocery, but you can form
no idea of the height and magnificence of the tower by studying
advertisements. You may think that the pictures you see of world events
on your cans of baked beans and maple syrup and soap, give you the
benefit of foreign travel, but it does not. You have got to see the
real thing or you are not fit to even talk about what you think you have
seen. You remember that Ferris wheel at the Chicago world's fair, and
how we thought it was the greatest thing ever made of steel, so high
that it made us dizzy to look to the top of it, and when we went up
on the wheel we thought we could see the world, from Alaska to South
Africa, and we marveled at the work of man and prayed that we be
permitted to get down off that wheel alive, and not be spilled down
through the rarified Chicago atmosphere and flattened on the pavement so
thin we would have to be scraped up off the pavement with a case knife,
like a buckwheat cake that sticks to the griddle.

You remember, old man, how you cried when our sentence to ride in the
Ferris wheel