find by going to that country, and they
know a confounded sight more. Take the Russians in New York, the
Norwegians of Minnesota, the Italians of Chicago, and the Germans of
Milwaukee, and they can talk English, and you can find out all about
their own countries by talking with them, but you go to their countries
and the natives don't know that there is such a language as the United
States language, and they laugh at you when you ask questions. I am sick
of the whole business, and would give all I ever expect to be worth, to
be home right now, with my skates sharp.

I would like to open the door of your old grocery, and take one long
breath and die right there on the doorstep, rather than to live in
luxury in any foreign country. Do you know, I sometimes go into a
grocery store abroad, and smell around, in order to get my thoughts on
dear old America, but nothing abroad smells as the same thing does in
our country. If I could get one more smell of that keg of sauerkraut
back of your counter, when it is ripe enough to pick, I think I would
break right down and cry for joy. Of course I have smelled sauerkraut
over here, but it all seems new and tame compared to yours. It may be
the kraut here is not aged enough to be good, but yours is aged enough
to vote and sticks to your clothes. Gee, but I just ache to get into
your grocery and eat things, and smell smells, and then lay down on the
counter with the cat with my head on a pile of wrapping paper and go to
sleep and wake up in America, an American citizen, that no king or queen
can tell to "hush up" and take off my hat when I want my hat on.

You may wonder how we got out of Monte Carlo, when we had lost every
cent we had gambling. Well, we wondered about it all night, and had our
breakfast sent up to our room, and had it charged, expecting that when
the bill came in we would have to jump into the ocean, as we had no gun
to kill ourselves with. Just after breakfast a duke, or something, came
to our room, and dad said it was all off, and he called upon the Dakota
man to make a speech on politics, while dad and I skipped out. We
thought the duke, who was the manager of the hotel, would not understand
the speech, and would think we were great people, who had got stranded.

[Illustration: Started in on a democratic speech 175]

The Dakota man started in on a democratic speech that he used to deliver
in the campaign of '96, and in half an hour the duke held up his hands,
a