nothing to complain of,
and is constantly urging me to prepare a memorial to the king, so that
he may have it at hand when required. How strange that the king should
always seem to him the personification of right and justice.
He has much to tell me about the late king, under whom he served. He
describes him as a perfect gentleman, and says that he often hunted in
this region. He has been informed that the present king is not much of
a hunter, and that he sticks to the priests, who, in return, grant him
absolution. He always concludes by asking whether I have ever seen the
king, and, although I have answered "No" a hundred times, he keeps on
repeating the same question.
*
Hansei was right, after all! I feel as if I ought to crave his pardon.
It is a disgusting sight to behold the old pensioner at his meals; and
if one does not intend to have him at table for the remainder of his
life, one had better not begin with him. Hansei's objection was kind
and clever, not rude and ill-natured. Kind resolves that cannot be
fully carried out, had better not be attempted.
When I spoke of this to Walpurga to-day, she answered me, through her
tears, saying: "I'd a thousand times rather hear you praise him than
me."
*
It is not until humanity becomes a duty that we can truly know whether
its exercise is a pleasure or a sacrifice.
Naturally enough, I have treated Jochem kindly, have often had him
visit me, and have tried to entertain him. Now he will not leave me to
myself, and robs me of my only possession--solitude. Although it cost
me an effort, I was obliged to insist upon his only visiting me during
certain hours. But even that is irksome, for I am no longer perfect
mistress of my time. When the bell in the valley tolls the hour of
twelve, the old man comes and sits with me. Our conversations are not
very fruitful or suggestive. His stock of ideas is but a limited one,
and topics that are not related to them fail to excite his interest.
Besides that, he coughs a great deal, and is always asking me to tell
him about my father. He seems to forget that I have already told him
that I never knew my father. It was the saddest thing I ever said, but
I did not know my father while he lived. I understood him not, although
he attempted to reveal himself to me. From the depths of my soul, I cry
out to him: "My poor father! you tried to perfect yourself, but y
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