America--and he looked at me
for a long while. "Father, I am pretty, am I not?" said I to him.
"Yes, my child, you are, and much is required of one who is beautiful.
Beauty is a heavy charge. Always bear yourself that others may justly
feel proud of you."
I did not know what he meant at the time, but now I understand it all.
I do not remember how the years passed by. I went back to father.
Bruno, who was intended for an agriculturist, entered the army against
father's wishes. Father, absorbed by his work and his studies, lived
entirely for himself, and left us to do as we pleased. He was proud of
this, and often said that he did not wish to exercise his authority
over us, and that he meant to allow us to develop our characters freely
and without restraint. I returned to the convent, and remained there
until my aunt died.
And there--forgive me, great and pure spirit!--there lay your great
error. You cast aside your paternal majesty and meant to live in love
alone. And we? Bruno would not, and I could not. And thus, while you
were lonely, we were miserable.
Bruno went to court. He was handsome, gay and full of life. He
presented me at court, also. Father had allowed me to follow my own
choice, and there my troubles began. I knew that I was beautiful, and I
had the courage to think differently from others. I had become the free
nature which my father had meant me to be; but to what purpose?
*
When I look over what I have written, I cannot help thinking of how
much one has lived and labored during a year, and how small the yield
is, after all. But then flowers, too, require a long time before they
blossom, and fruit ripens but slowly; many sunny days and dewy nights
have helped to perfect them.
*
A rainbow! Rest and peace are intangible. They exist nowhere except in
our own imagination and in the view we take of things around us. Now I
understand why the rainbow that followed the deluge was described as a
token of peace. The seven colors have no real existence. They only
appear to the eye that receives the broken rays at the proper angle of
refraction. Rest and peace cannot be conquered by force; they are free
gifts of the heaven within us--smiles and tears meeting like the rain
cloud and the sunshine.
*
I am often oppressed with a fear that I shall lose what culture I
possess, because of my hav
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