luding books to read, but we do not think there is any way to
"prepare" for this kind of experience; and recommending books to read
might convey the impression that we are going to engage in intellectual
discussion, which is not the case.

We ourselves do not "prepare" for the retreats and do not ask the
couples to do so either. It is an adventure in sharing into which we all
move together, ready to take it as it comes.[E]

This does not mean, however, that our sessions are totally
"unstructured." A timetable is worked out by the group, not imposed upon
it. Obviously it has to be planned in relation to the place and the
circumstances of our meeting.

INTRODUCTION TO THE FRIENDS' EXPERIENCE

In the living room of "Waysmeet," the house at Pendle Hill in which we
held our first training retreat, there was just room for ten couples to
sit in a wide circle.

"What we are going to do here," we explained, "is to experience together
a marriage enrichment retreat. We hope this experience will be
meaningful to you all personally, quite apart from the fact that you
will be learning how to conduct a retreat yourselves after you return
home. We know of no better way to train you than to let you go through
first what others will later go through under your leadership.

"However, we shall be working together at two levels. At any point we
can break off and examine together, objectively, what has been happening
to us subjectively. You can ask us as your leaders any questions you
wish, about what we are doing, or why we are doing it.

"Our goal is very simple and very clear. As married couples we are here
to engage together in communication-in-depth about relationship-in-depth.
Everything we do will be done with the intention of sharing with each
other the directions in which we want our marriages to grow. How far we
travel will be decided not by us as leaders, but by you as a group. No
one will be put under pressure to do anything he does not wish to do,
or to say anything he does not wish to say.

"Our function as leaders is to be 'participant facilitators.' We are in
every sense members of the group, and will fully share all the group's
experiences. We do not wish to be treated as experts or authorities. The
only way in which we shall exercise our role as leaders is to help the
group to achieve its goal, or to tell it if we think it is not taking
the best direction toward that goal. We make no claim to be infallible.
If at