rcise is what we call "dialogues." A volunteer couple
sit in the center on chairs or on the floor facing each other, and talk
back and forth on a subject chosen by the group but accepted by them.
Some topics have been "How do we deal with conflict in our marriage?";
"How do we overcome fears of intimacy?"; "What are our procedures in
decision-making?"; "How do we meet each other's dependency needs?" The
subject should of course focus on husband-wife interaction.

It is best for the interchange between the couple to be slow and
deliberate. Indeed, it is helpful for each to allow a period of silence
before replying to the other (learning to pause in this way is a very
helpful means of making husband-wife discussions more effective).
Sometimes two or three couples may volunteer; all sit in the center of
the circle (the "fishbowl," as it is sometimes called) and the dialogue
is taken up by each in turn. While the dialogue is going on, other
members of the group should not intervene or in any way act as an
"audience." The general discussion comes afterwards, and provides an
opportunity for others who identified with the couples in dialogue to
share what they felt.

An interesting variant is to ask if another couple will volunteer to sit
with the couple involved in dialogue, and to function as _alter egos_
(Latin for "other selves"). The _alter ego_ on each side listens
carefully to what is going on, and intervenes from time to time to
verbalize deeper levels of communication and interaction that are not
being expressed in words. Playing the _alter ego_ role requires some
insight and skill, but it is highly effective when well done.

Another exercise for individual couples is "positive interaction." A
very simple device, it is usually highly effective and often deeply
moving. For this reason we often make it the last activity on Saturday
evening. It can either be carried out by about three volunteer couples,
or all couples may agree to take turns. The couple sit facing each
other, holding hands, and are asked to tell each other, simply and
directly, what they specially like about each other, being as specific
as possible. Surprisingly, it turns out that very few couples have ever
done this before, and everyone finds it a heartwarming experience. We
think we have encountered here another taboo in our society--married
couples spend infinitely more time telling each other what they _don't_
like about each other than what they