_do_ like. Most of us have a
strangely inhibited self-consciousness about spelling out in detail what
we mean by "I love you."

We generally conclude the retreat with a short session of perhaps half
an hour in which we share with each other new insights and the rewarding
experiences we have had together. This may appropriately be followed by
a Quaker meeting for worship.

These exercises are no more than illustrations. Leading couples are
inventing new ones all the time, and there seems to be no limit to their
ingenuity. The books by Herbert Otto and Gerald Smith, listed in the
bibliography, are full of good ideas.

In essence, these were the experiences in which we and our nine trainee
couples were involved during the crowded hours we spent together at
Pendle Hill. Before they took their departure, we enjoined them not to
try to repeat anything we had done unless they could do so entirely
naturally and comfortably. They would develop their own patterns of
leadership, and these would be more effective than anything we had
taught them.

EVALUATION AND REAFFIRMATION

The follow-up retreat at Pendle Hill was much more than a reunion or
season of rejoicing. We undertook together an intensive evaluation of
what had been experienced. One couple, for example, had had to cope with
a marriage in serious conflict so we set up a role-playing re-enactment
of the situation to serve as a learning experience for the whole group.

We also tried to pool our ideas about the best way to plan and lead
marriage enrichment retreats. Our agenda covered the following areas:

_Organizing the Retreat._ Time, place, cost, recruitment of
couples, size of group, preparatory materials.

_Methods and Techniques._ Introductions, agenda, directing
discussion, dividing up, special exercises, crisis situations,
evaluation.

_Leadership Roles._ Qualifications, goals, training, couple
teamwork, preparation, vulnerability, follow-up.

_Future Plans._ Further retreats, training new leaders,
cooperation with other groups, books and materials.

_Other Areas for Enrichment._ Retreats for youth, premarital
couples, parents and teen-agers, solo parents, senior citizens,
Meeting members.

A number of issues of particular concern to the group were extensively
discussed. One was the distinction between our retreats and group
marriage counseling on the one hand, sensitivity training and encounter
group