ake us feel inadequate or defeated. It may well be that a
way out is not really difficult to achieve, but as long as we are
avoiding the whole problem we are not likely to find a solution.
Bringing the issue out in the open, in the presence of other couples
eager to help because of similar problems may suddenly break the log-jam
and move the relationship along the path to enrichment. This happens
quite often during retreats, and the results are usually decisive and
lasting. The resolution may come for a particular couple when they are
alone together later reporting it to the others; or it may actually come
in the supportive atmosphere that the group is able to generate. Such
experiences are deeply reassuring and rewarding for all the
participating couples.

FACILITATING EXERCISES

The use of simple "exercises" in these retreats has been found to
be very helpful. What they do is to break up our stereotyped and
often rather sterile patterns of interaction when people get
together. They are simply devices designed to bring about _couple_
interaction--sometimes for all the couples in the group together,
sometimes for one couple at a time.

A good example is asking each couple to draw a picture of their
marriage. Paper and crayons are made available, and the couples scatter
about the room and work on their pictures. They may choose to do this
verbally (discussing the drawing together as they go along) or
non-verbally (working at it together in silence). When all have
finished, we come back to the circle of chairs, and each couple in turn
lays their picture on the floor and explains it to the group. This is an
activity the couples always seem to enjoy; and it enables us to learn a
good deal about each other. The leaders, of course, also draw their
picture, and display it with the others. We have accumulated quite a
collection!

One of our trainee couples introduced dancing. Lights are dimmed in the
room, a record is played, and all the couples dance, each couple
improvising whatever movements express their mood. They then sit round
and report on what the experiment meant to them.

Occasionally when we are faced with a controversial subject (for
example, "How far are you prepared to allow your partner to go in
friendships with the opposite sex?"), we might ask all the couples to
discuss this privately together for ten minutes, and then report to the
whole group what conclusions they have reached.

Another kind of exe