bestowed! And a letter he had made Hal write me,
showing the danger of such neglect, rose before me. I forgot Colonel
Breaux; I remembered only the ardent desire of those two, who seemed to
speak to me through his lips. It produced its effect. I felt the guilt
I had incurred by not making greater efforts to gain a more robust
frame; and putting on my sunbonnet as I arose from the breakfast-table
this morning, I took my seat here on the wide balcony where I have
remained seated on the floor ever since, with a chair for a desk,
trying to drink an extra amount of fresh air.

I was sorry when Colonel Breaux arose to take his leave. As he took my
hand, I said earnestly, "Thank you for giving me something to think
about." He looked gratified, made some pleasant remark, and after
talking a while longer, said good-night again and rode off. While
undressing, Miriam and I spoke of nothing else. And when I lay down,
and looked in my own heart and saw my shocking ignorance and pitiful
inferiority so painfully evident even to my own eyes, I actually cried.
Why was I denied the education that would enable me to be the equal of
such a man as Colonel Breaux and the others? He says the woman's mind
is the same as the man's, originally; it is only education that creates
the difference. Why was I denied that education? Who is to blame? Have
I exerted fully the natural desire To Know that is implanted in all
hearts? Have I done myself injustice in my self-taught ignorance, or
has injustice been done to me? Where is the fault, I cried. Have I
labored to improve the few opportunities thrown in my path, to the best
of my ability? "Answer for yourself. With the exception of ten short
months at school, where you learned nothing except arithmetic, you have
been your own teacher, your own scholar, all your life, after you were
taught by mother the elements of reading and writing. Give an account
of your charge. What do you know?" Nothing! except that I am a fool!
and I buried my face in the sheet; I did not like even the darkness to
see me in my humiliation.

October 4th, Saturday.

While Anna and Miriam went out riding last evening, just as I put down
my pen, I went out for a solitary walk down the road that Gibbes would
have to pass; but saw nothing of the carriage. When I got back, they
told me he was wounded. My fears were well founded, then. With what
anxiety we waited for his coming it would