as her husband.

* * *

At his examination in bankruptcy a Clacton monumental mason attributed
his failure to the healthfulness of the neighbourhood. Suggested motto
for Clacton funeral artists: "_ Si monumentum requiris_--go elsewhere."

* * *

Among probable forthcoming improvements at the Zoological Gardens is the
provision of a band on Sunday. But one great difficulty, we imagine,
will be to persuade the laughing hyena and certain other rowdy animals
not to take part in the performances.

* * *

The didactic drama is with us again, and this time we are to be taught
to feel affection for the unpopular. _Love Cheats_ is the hortatory
title of a play to be produced by Miss HORNIMAN'S company next month.

* * *

Mr. MARGAM JONES has written a volume entitled _Angels in Wales._
Nonconformists, we presume.

* * * * *

Illustration: THE NEW DRESS.

"Going along Oxford Street, are you? I should love to come with you, but
it would be a little hard on Bond Street. You see, I haven't shown it to
Bond Street yet."

* * * * *

"BAD LANGUAGE.
FROM SIR HERBERT TREE.
To the Editor of _The Daily Mail._"

We hope the Editor replied suitably.

* * * * *

"WHO FEARS TO SPEAK OF"--NINETEEN-SIX?

[_Thoughts on "a Bill for the Better_ (sic) _Government of Ireland."_]

There was an Isle all green and fair
Where milk and whisky used to flow,
Where, thanks to lavish legislators,
The pious cult of pigs and taters
Filled with content the balmy air--
Eight little years ago!

Distressful she had been, a land
Of kine curtailed and burning ricks,
Until we others oped our purses
To rectify her feudal curses
And freed the soil with generous hand--
Prior to nineteen-six.

Though still the casual moonlight raid
Occurred at seasons, just for joy,
New brands of owners, fat and thriving,
Had lost their use for cattle-driving,
And agitation's artful aid
Pined for its old employ.

Then came the Liberals in and eyed
This land where Peace had poised her wings;
And "O!" said they, "how sad a smutch on
Our clean United Kingdom's 'scutcheon!
It is our duty to provide
A Better State of Things."

Eight years ago! And now we see
The dogs of