c reply. "I have already signed
a contract with Messrs. Goodleigh and Champ to write my Reminiscences in
the form of a Musical Encyclopaedia. My father-in-law, Sir Pompey
Boldero, is giving me valuable assistance in preparing the material, but
as he is already sixty-five I cannot, unhappily, count with absolute
confidence on his being spared to witness the completion of the work.
Still, he is so full of vigour that M. METCHNIKOFF considers his chances
of becoming a centenarian decidedly promising. In any case the
collaboration of my children, whose filial devotion is only equalled by
their talent, is secured, and Mrs. Bamborough, as you know, wields a
vivid and trenchant pen. But literature will not occupy all my time. My
estancia in the Argentine will need supervision, and I hope to spend an
occasional summer in the Solomon Islands, where the natives are
strangely attached to us."

Mr. Bamborough pointed out that Sir JOHNSTON FORBES-ROBERTSON, who also
returned by the _Julius Caesar,_ had only drawn receipts amounting to
L107,000 in a tour of thirty weeks' duration, while he (Mr. Bamborough)
had netted no less than L150,000 in a tour lasting twenty-seven weeks
and three days. In addition to the receipts in specie, Mr. Bamborough
had received several nuggets from the gold miners in Colorado, and a
bull moose from Mr. KERMIT ROOSEVELT, while Mrs. Bamborough had been the
recipient of a highly-trained bobolink, and a charming young
alligator from the cedar swamps of Louisiana.

Other notable passengers on the _Julius Caesar_ were Miss Topsy Cooney,
the famous coloured pianist, who plays only on the black keys and
entirely by ear; Little Dinky, the marvellous calculating boy, who does
not know the names of the numbers; and Elaine Runnymede, the child
contralto, who can only sing the whole tone scale.

* * * * *

Illustration: _Small Brother (whose sisters are working for their girl
guides' ambulance badge)._ "Come on, here's A bit of luck for you. I've
made Rupert's nose bleed."

* * * * *

Commercial Candour.

From a catalogue:--

"Also made in cheaper and better quality models."

* * * * *

Illustration: _Grumpy._ "Better put the diamond in the safe, my boy.
You'll be ruined if anybody steals it."

_Ernest._ "Yes, but the play will be ruined if nobody does."

_Grumpy_ Mr. CYRIL MAUDE.
_Ernest Heron._ Mr