en from the hedge comes TURPIN,
Pistols cocked and debonair;
Both the horses stand up perpen-
dicularly in the air.

"What occurs? The gallant caitiff,
Noticing the swain is poor
(Courtesy with him is native,
Not like you, suburban boor),
Bows, and says in accents sunny,
'Pass along, Sir--make good speed;
I'm convinced you've got no money
And I do not want your bleed.

"'Sweet be Maytime to your noses;
Short is life, but love is sweet,
There's a city man named Moses
Whom I've simply got to meet;
On you go, you two young larkers;'
Then he bids his Jew disgorge
Or reserves his brace of barkers
For the coach of D. LLOYD GEORGE.

"Such the good high Toby fashion;
Surely in your bosom stirs,
Constable, a like compassion
For our two poor cylinders;
All we have is vile and shoddy;
See that low-hung touring brute--
There's a bonnet! there's a body
Worthy of a road-knight's loot!"

Thus I spake; but, still phlegmatic,
Imperturbable and stout,
Rendering Doric for my Attic,
Robert pulled his note-book out;
Said, "Me dooty is me dooty,"
And retiring to his trench
Pondered further schemes of booty
For the footpads on the Bench.

EVOE.

* * * * *

"The enthusiasm of the people was so great that it was not damped
by a real Scotch milk."--_Liverpool Courier._

When did whisky ever damp the enthusiasm of a Scotch crowd?

* * * * *

ROYAL ACADEMY--SECOND DEPRESSIONS.

Illustration: _Harlequin._ "Never Mind, My Dear; I'll Have A Few Words
To Say To The Limelight Man About This!"

* * * * *

Illustration: THE CARD-SHARPERS.

_Near Female._ "Stop Cheating For A Minute While I Get My Portrait
Taken."

* * * * *

Illustration: A PHANTASY IN THE CENTRAL HALL.--"CAUGHT."

* * * * *

Illustration: A DEADLOCK.

"IF WE GO FORWARD WE'LL GET SUNSTROKE, AND IF WE GO BACK THERE'S A
BLIZZARD; SO WE MAY AS WELL STOP WHERE WE ARE AND HAVE OUR PICTURE
PAINTED."

* * * * *

Illustration: FLOODS IN THE THAMES VALLEY.

The family of a well-known stockbroker takes advantage of the situation
to practise a little first-aid, and incidentally get on w