mns to be sung will be: (1) 'All people that on earth do
well.'..."--_Rangoon Times._

* * * * *

From _Surplus_, the official organ of the Disposal Board:--

"PORK AND BEANS.

"16 oz. tins (15 ozs. Beans and Sauce, 1 oz. Pork); 21 oz. tins (20 ozs.
Beans and Sauce, 1 oz. Pork)."

So the question which vexed many billets on the Western Front is now
answered. There _was_ pork in it.

* * * * *

[Illustration: BEHIND THE SCENES IN CINEMA-LAND.

"YOU'RE IN LUCK, MY BOY. THEY'VE IMPORTED A GENUINE MEXICAN BANDIT FOR YOUR
KNIFE-FIGHT SCENE IN 'BAD HAT, THE HALF-BREED.'"]

* * * * *

MY FIRE.

"Seventy-five per cent. of the world's accidents arise from gross
carelessness!" I thundered at Suzanne, who for the fifteenth time in five
years of matrimony had left her umbrella in the 'bus. Being on a month's
leave, and afraid of losing by neglect the orderly-room touch, I thought
fit to practise on her the arts of admonition. Admonishing, I wagged at her
the match with which I was in the act of lighting my pipe. Wagging the
match, I did not notice the live head drop off on to the khaki slacks which
I had donned that afternoon to grace a visit to the War Office. Only when I
traced Suzanne's petrified stare to its target did I discover that a
ventilation hole had been created in a vital part of His Majesty's uniform.

With great presence of mind I put out the conflagration before venturing on
an encounter with Suzanne's eye.

"You were discussing accidents," she observed sweetly. "What percentage of
them did you say was due to gross carelessness?"

I did not bandy words. There was no escaping the fact that they were, as
Suzanne reminded me, my sole surviving pair of khaki slacks, and that I
should certainly have to get a new pair before returning to the Depot; for
these were obviously beyond wear or repair.

"Well, anyhow I've three weeks to get them in," I said as lightly as I
could. "My leave isn't up till the end of the month."

"Men's clothes are terribly dear just now," remarked Suzanne pensively.
"And I _was_ going to ask you to give me a new hat. But now I suppose--"

This roused my pride and self-respect.

"Suzanne," I said, "the world is not coming to an end because I have to buy
a pair of slacks. You shall have your new hat to-morrow."

She clapped her hands in triumph, and a moment's reflection sho