n the meaning of the policy. Now I'm
going to write a letter to the Insurance Company."

And I did so to the following effect:--

"77, _The Supermansions_,
_S.W._

"DEAR SIRS,--I regret to inform you that a fire took place at/in the above
demesne and/or flat after tea to-day and damaged one (1) pair of khaki
slacks/trousers so as to render them unfit for further use. I shall
therefore be glad to receive from you the sum of two guineas, the original
cost price of the damaged article of apparel.

"Yours, etc."

Next day I took Suzanne out to buy the new hat. This done, we went on to my
tailor's to replace the ill-starred slacks. A casual inquiry as to price
elicited the statement that it would be four guineas. I cut short a
rambling discourse, in which the tailor sought to saddle various remote
agencies with the responsibility for the increase, and stamped out of the
establishment with the blasphemous vow that I'd get a pair ready-made at
the Stores.

That evening I received a reply from the Insurance people:--

"In all communications please quote Ref. No. 73856/SP/QR.

"SIR,--We note your claim for garments injured by an outbreak of fire at
your residence. We await the reports of the Fire Brigade and Salvage Corps,
on receipt of which we will again communicate with you. Meanwhile, will you
kindly inform us what other damage was done?

"We are, yours, etc."

I at once wrote back to remove their misapprehension:--

"DEAR SIRS,--My fire was not what you would call an outbreak. It was
essentially a quiet affair, attended by neither Fire Brigade nor Salvage
Corps, but just the family (like being married at a registry-office, don't
you think?). My khaki slacks were the only articles injured. As I am now
going about without them, you will realise that no time should be lost in
settling the claim.

"Yours, etc.

"P.S. I nearly forgot--73856/RS/VP. There!"

A day or two later I received a request, pitched in an almost slanderously
sceptical tone, for more detailed information. I humoured them, and there
ensued a ding-dong correspondence, in which that wretched Ref. No. was
bandied backwards and forwards with nauseating reiteration, and of which
the following are the salient points:--

_They._ Kindly state what you estimate the total value of the contents of
your residence to be.

_Myself_ (_after a searching inquiry into present prices_). L1,500.

_They_ (_promptly_). We beg to point out that you are onl