Hills, he called me
to the stage, put his hand on my forehead, and said, "The Infinite is
naming you Agni."

The entry in my journal for the following day, April 4th, 1985, reads,
"yea! got my spiritual name... AGNI... Fire... Breaker of
Illusions... Vision... Third Eye... Now, everything is totally fresh &
new... I feel good."

I liked the name. It represented the spiritual progress I had made
despite the difficulties of the past few years. As I caravanned across
America in Rama's group, the new name boosted my confidence.

It was springtime in New England. Rama rented a large house in
Needham, Massachusetts, and held Centre meetings in a church in Boston.
Many disciples followed his suggestion and moved to Concord, Lincoln,
or Wellesley. I moved to Wayland.

One day I bought a copy of Walden by Henry David Thoreau. My journal
entry for June 15th, 1985, reads, "Economics chapter in Walden... didn't
provide any answers, but caused me to ask questions which lead to a
variety of possibilities... "

One question I asked myself was: how can I pay off my debt? One
solution I came up with was: commute to work by bicycle. The entry
continues, "By driving to a free lot in Arlington, parking, and
bicycling the remaining 7-8 miles... save $100/month; instill spirit
back in me; get exercise & strength; pass Harvard & MIT daily for brain
power; bike around Boston lunch time. meet girls at Faneuil Hall; be
independent, mobile, self-reliant!"

The following day I bought a used three-speed for forty-five dollars
and put the plan into effect. Each weekday I parked in a free lot,
pedaled several miles along the Charles River, and braved downtown
traffic as I sped to work, which was located two blocks from the site
of the Boston Tea Party. I began to think of myself not as Rama's
disciple, but as a bicyclist. On June 29th, 1985, I wrote, "i am a
bicyclist. that is my nature. swift. light. strong & sure. motion.
speed. agility. pivotable. flexible. colorful. self-propelled.
motivated. bad forces beware. i am back. and i'm riding high.
that's me. Agni. free spirit. go, now. and do not look back."

It felt good to be pursuing a dream of my own. But I sensed that Rama
would equate my project with the Negative Forces, so I chose not to
tell him about the daily commutes and my newfound esteem.

Perhaps as a result of my new, street-wise sense of self, I grew
increasingly critical of Rama. Another entry