mons, mentally ill, or bent on destruction. I'm okay."

20. The Last Supper

In August, 1985, I began spending time with old friends and with people
from work. I felt awkward. I did not know what to talk about. They
used words like concerts, bar hop, chaser, dive, dude, hot babe,
married, pregnant, job security, tax break, investment, global economy,
third world, cold war, Reagan, Saturday Night Live, and Letterman.
Their language felt alien to me. They used "party" as a verb, not as a
noun. They used "to see" as a way to describe what they did with their
eyes and with their mind, not what they did with their inner being. I
learned to navigate within their world, but felt like I did not belong.

The initial reentry into society was difficult in other ways. I found
myself constantly reverting back to Rama's world of fear, isolation,
and self-doubt. When I had eye contact with someone, for instance, I
had to remind myself that my reservoir of mystical power was not being
drained. When I saw a flicker of light, I had to remind myself that
the reflection was not Negative Forces. When a non-disciple told me of
his or her hopes and dreams, I had to remind myself that theirs was not
simply a world of illusion. And when I thought of my own hopes and
dreams, I had to remind myself that I was not a mentally ill zombie
unable to deal with the real world.

I realized that Rama had taught me to think this way. I also realized
that I could, in time, unlearn these associations. I told myself I was
doing okay. I was doing well at my job. I was saving money and paying
off loans. I was commuting to work each day by bicycle. I was slowly
getting stronger.

One day I had a conversation with the vice president of my company. I
respected him. He seemed to be creative, bright, and energetic. He
told me that he read a great deal. "I try to learn many different
philosophies," he said. "A philosophy that discourages you from
learning other philosophies is a good one to avoid." I liked his
approach to knowledge. I was impressed that such wisdom was available
in an office building in downtown Boston. I was impressed that in his
own way, my boss was a seeker.

Another weekend a childhood friend invited me to a beach party in New
York. There I met Christina, a young woman with long legs and deep
blue eyes. I started driving to New York often. One evening, the
phone rang. I had been expecting a call from Chr