No... "

Rama was talking about American Indians. "They weave people's
attention," he said, "to help sell their products."

I wrote, "always be moving ON YOUR OWN STEAM! accept NO substitutes.
everything has power. some things are good, others not."

Rama asked what I was doing.

"I'm writing in my journal," I replied.

"What have you written?"

I read the last few sentences aloud.

"Some things have more power than others," he editorialized. Then he
began talking about me. He spoke about how, when I had lived with him,
I made shakes in the blender with all kinds of "strange" ingredients.

"Why did Agni make these shakes?" he asked the disciples.

No one answered.

"One," he continued, "there was power to them. Two, to attract
attention. Three, this boy is an asshole."

I wrote, "Asshole," and drew a circle around the word. Then I wrote,
"ok but it is me. so, fine."

A few minutes later Rama said, "Fake obvious things fool everybody."
Then he said, "Humans are continually knocking on your door. As long
as they are alive, they try and suck your power. You need to get
strategic and learn to intensely dislike them. Cut them. Push them
away--anything to get them to fuck off."

I wrote, "cold."

About an hour later, Rama had us watch The Adventures of Buckaroo
Bonzai on the VCR. I sat several feet back from the group. After the
movie Rama announced, "Someone is way off. Can anyone see who it is?"

The disciples glanced at me.

"Of course, you all know that it's Agni. Now what's the matter, baby?"

I told him that things in my life were not working out. I told him
that I needed to try something new.

"If you wish to leave, please don't bring everyone else down."

"Sorry, Rama."

When I got home, I wrote, "good. i feel much better already. keep
breathing. slow. keep remembering Mark Eliot, is the breather.
Before he met any of these people he was the breather; so too after.
Before he dreamed himself into a don Juan/CC [Carlos Castaneda] world
extravagansa... Fred--he's cool. But he was formatted improperly by a
bad occultist. Simple. He also wanted to be a Guru, told me so in a
UCSD parking lot. But cool guy. Powerful attention level. Controls
every situation impeccably. cares about others what seems to be an
enormous amount. Yet detached. cold. warm. whatever he was
projecting. A master illusionist. Created/s dreams & realities with
the flick of a wrist. This has