ext for a
quarrel, and to take vengeance.

"At first I thought that I had succeeded in overcoming my heart, and I was
glad of that fancied change, and--I married the first poor girl that I met!
I did evil, and how cruelly was I punished for it! I loved her not,
Thaddeus's poor mother, my most devoted wife and the most upright soul--but
I was strangling in my heart my former love and my anger. I was like a
madman; in vain I forced myself to work at farming or at business; all was
of no avail. Possessed by the demon of vengeance, morose and passionate, I
could find no comfort in anything in the world--and thus I passed from one
sin to another; I began to drink.

"And so in no long time my wife died of grief, leaving me that child; and
despair consumed me!

* * * * * * * *

"How ardently I must have loved that poor girl! for so many years! Where
have I not been! And yet I have never been able to forget her, and still
does her beloved form stand before mine eyes as if painted! I drank, but I
have not been able to drink down her memory for one instant; nor to free
myself from it, though I have traversed so many lands! Now I am in the
dress of God's servant, on my bed, and bleeding--I have spoken of her so
long--at this moment to speak of such things! God will forgive me! You must
learn now in what sorrow and despair I committed----

"That was but a short time after her betrothal. Everywhere the talk was of
nothing but her betrothal; they said that when Eva took the ring from the
hand of the Wojewoda she swooned, that she had been seized with a fever,
that she had symptoms of consumption, that she sobbed continually; they
conjectured that she was secretly in love with some one else. But the
Pantler, calm and gay as ever, gave balls in his castle and assembled his
friends; me he no longer invited--in what way could I be useful to him? My
scandalous life at home, my misery, my disgraceful habits had brought upon
me the contempt and mockery of the world! Me, who once, I may say, had
made all the district tremble! Me, whom Radziwill had called 'my dear'!
Me, who, when I rode forth from my hamlet, had led with me a train more
numerous than a prince's! And when I drew my sabre, then many thousand
sabres had glittered round about, striking terror to the lords'
castles,--But now the very children of the peasant boors laughed at me! So
paltry had I quickly made myself in the eyes of men! Jacek Soplica!