ELPMATE.

_Newly-wedded Husband_ (_fresh from the altar_). "EXCUSE ME TAKING THE
LIBERTY, SIR, BUT DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW OF ANY PLACE WHERE MY WIFE COULD
GET A LITTLE CHARRING TO DO?"]

* * * * *

HONORIFICS.

A cowardly hoax was recently perpetrated in Paris, where a number of
politicians consented to assist in raising a statue to Hegesippe Simon, the
educator of the Democracy and author of the famous epigram, "The darkness
vanishes when the sun rises," only to discover later that Hegesippe Simon
had never existed.

Needless to say, this has produced a profound impression upon public men in
this country, who are regarding invitations of a similar character with the
gravest suspicion.

For instance, Mr. WILLIAM ARCHER, on receiving a request for his assistance
in raising a monument to IBSEN, is reported to have replied cautiously that
he would like to know more about this writer before giving an answer.

Mr. CLEMENT SHORTER, on being asked to join the committee of a BRONTE
memorial, replied suspiciously, "Why do you ask _me_ of all people?"

Mr. J. L. GARVIN, on being approached on the subject of a bust of Mr.
FILSON YOUNG, is reported to have consulted his assistant-editor as to
whether the name might not be a pure invention; while Mr. G. K. CHESTERTON
remarked, when asked to assist in raising a bas-relief to CHARLES DICKENS,
that he didn't believe there was no such a person.

* * * * *

"Mr. M'Call, K.C., said Dr. Keats had charge of the boys in the
infirmary, and for the purpose of maintaining order he was sometimes
compelled to resort to corporal astonishment."--_Glasgow Daily
Record._

Billy Brown (_surprised_): "Ow!"

* * * * *

In our last issue, quoting from a Johannesburg telegram, we referred to
_The Evening Chronicle_ as a "Labour organ." Its London Manager writes
protesting against this description; and we now offer our heartiest regrets
for the grave injustice that we seem to have done to our South African
contemporary.

* * * * *

SMITHERS, B.C.

I saw it on a map, most large and fine
(I saw it with the naked eye--no dream),
Showing how trains upon the Grand Trunk line,
Grand but Pacific, run along by steam
Right to Prince Rupert on the sea (a port)
And there are brought up short.

Smithers! I saw it on a map, I say,