EDITION
OF THE SAME.]

* * * * *

THE LEGEND OF EVERYMATRON.

(Showing one of the reasons why the Tango is already _demode_.)

(_With apologies to Mr. KIPLING._)

This is the sorrowful story told at the Tango Teas
Of the old folks dancing together, frivolous as you please:--

"Our mothers, came to the dances; dignified matrons, they,
They smilingly sat and watched us after we waltzed away.

"Our mothers looked on at the dancing--that was their business then;
Frowned on the detrimentals, smiled on the right young men.

"Then came this Tangomania, and when the fad was new
Badly it shocked the old folks--now they are doing it too!

"Now we may watch our mothers, smiling and flushed and gay,
Doing it, doing it, doing it, tangoing night and day,

"Stamping a Texas Tommy, wreathing a Grapevine Swirl,
Gleefully Gaby Gliding, young as the youngest girl.

"We may not laugh at our mothers, for (between me and you)
They can out-dance us often--get all our partners too!"

This is the sorrowful story told by a chastened lot
Of maidens sitting together, watching their mothers trot.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Nervous Lady_ (_in whose street there have been several
burglaries_). "HOW OFTEN DO YOU POLICEMEN COME DOWN THIS ROAD? I'M
CONSTANTLY ABOUT, BUT I NEVER SEE YOU."

_Policeman._ "AH, VERY LIKELY I SEES YOU WHEN YOU DON'T SEE ME, MUM. IT'S A
POLICEMAN'S BUSINESS TO SECRETE 'ISSELF!"]

* * * * *

THE OBLIQUE METHOD.

"I want to engage the next cook myself," I had said to my wife.

"Why?" she asked.

"Chiefly," I said, "because I am the only person in the house who minds
what is placed on the table. If the food is distasteful I complain of it;
you defend it; and we lose our tempers. Now it is perfectly clear that you
cannot guard against certain culinary monstrosities when you engage a cook.
I can. And coming from a man it will impress her more."

"Why can't I do it?"

"Because you haven't," I said. "You have engaged scores of cooks in your
time and everyone does a certain thing which infuriates me."

"Have it your own way," she said.

I meant to.

In course of time the prospective cook was ushered into my study. If I
liked her she was to stay.

"Good morning," I said. "There's only one thing I want to discuss with you.
Apple tart. Can you cook apple tarts really well?"

Sh