orters as by
the buyers," said a witness at a City inquest last week. A purchaser
at this market declares that the language is often provoked by the
fish. Only last week he had a heated argument with a very talkative
haddock.

***

England has lost first place in Germany, for America is said to be
the most hated country now. The morning hate of the German family with
ragtime obbligato must be a terrible thing.

***

"The National Service Department," said Mr. Beck in the House of
Commons, "is desirous of remaining where it is." If we are to believe
all we read it will take a great deal to move this department.

***

"Cod liver oil," says a weekly paper, "is the secret of health." Smith
minor sincerely regrets that our contemporary has not kept the secret.

***

The _Vossische Zeitung_, referring to the appointment of Dr.
Michaelis, says "there is no chance of his clubbing together with the
big industrialists and misguided agitators." So long however as they
are clubbed separately we shall not grumble.

***

Waste-paper in Westminster, it is stated, has gone up from L2 10s. to
L7 a ton. Why, it is asked, cannot the Government come to the rescue
and publish the full reports of the Dardanelles and Mesopotamia
Commissions?

***

Boxes of matches with jokes on them, we are told, are now on sale.
Several correspondents who were charged twopence for a box complain
that they are unable to see the joke.

***

An Irish newspaper, _The Kilkenny People_, has been suppressed for
seditious utterances. People are wondering what it can possibly have
said.

***

There will be no flag-day on August 26th.

***

A girl clerk in a Surrey bank has explained a shortage of a half-penny
in her postage-stamps by admitting that she swallowed one. It is
thought that the extremely low price tempted her.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _New Hand_. "Flies seem pretty awful out here,
Corporal."

_Hardened Campaigner_. "Wot flies?"]

* * * * *

ON VIMY RIDGE.

_TO B.S.B., JULY 11TH_.

On Vimy Ridge I sit at rest
With Loos and Lens outspread below;
An A.D.C.--the very best--
Expounds the panoramic show;
Lightly I lunch, and never yet
Has quite so strong an orchestration
Supplied the music while I ate
My cold collation.

Past Avion through the red-roofed town
T