ks off, baffled.

"That list of men for a bombing course," says Division.

"Yes, Sir," I reply brightly, though my heart sinks.

"You ought to have sent it in at 6 P.M.," says Division. "And it has
not yet arrived."

I look at my wrist-watch, but realise too late that this graceful
gesture is lost on him. "I am sorry, Sir," I reply with dignity, "but
the delay was inevitable. It shall be with you on the breakfast-table.
The difficulty of communication in this great War ..."

Division laughs sardonically.

At ten minutes past twelve I go to bed again, and at twelve-fifteen
an orderly shines an electric torch in my eyes in order to prevent my
reading a wire which he hands me. It says, "Ref. your S.C. 1985 please
ask PIG if they have salvaged any German socks. A.A.A. urgent."

I stand up, and the orderly, completely unnerved by the sight of a
Staff Captain in undress uniform, releases the button of his torch and
retires under cover of darkness.

I twirl the handle of the telephone and listen. There is silence.
I turn it again with vigour. For twenty minutes I behave like an
organ-grinder. Towards dawn the bell rings and I receive an electric
shock.

"Hullo!" says the operator.

I tell him what I think of him. When I have finished the sun is up
and the first aeroplane is dropping its glad bombs on the dewy earth
below.

I demand PIG. PIG is a Machine Gun Company. By breakfast-time I have
discovered that PIG has salvaged socks, German, one.

I ring up Division ...

It is a splendid force, as they used to say in _The Message from
Mars_--it is a splendid force, the Signal Service.

And men sleeping among the rats in the front line wake for their
coffee and hot water and envy me my undisturbed nights.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _New Tenant_ (_digging up lawn and waste ground, to
agent_). "CAN YOU INFORM ME WHERE I CAN FIND THE MAN WHO OWNED THIS
PLACE BEFORE ME?"

_House Agent_. "ER--HE'S IN FRANCE."

_Tenant_. "UM. WELL, I HOPE HE COMES BACK. SAFELY!"]

* * * * *

"The Vienna _Die Zeit_ considers the political crisis in
Germany as one of the chief consequences of the political
utterances of English, American and French statesmen,
demanding the demoralisation of Germany."--_Sunday Times_.

It seems superfluous.

* * * * *

"It is authoritatively announced that the American troops
f