ave been talking Swiss.

***

A Pittsburg inventor is reported by Mr. MARCONI to have discovered a
method of bottling light. If he can bottle anything lighter than the
new Government ale his claim to be a wizard is established.

***

A safe weighing three hundredweight has been stolen from a branch post
office in the Gray's Inn Road. It is believed that in the excitement
caused by an air-raid alarm it was snatched up by a customer who
mistook it for his hat.

***

A man applied at Willesden Police Court recently for advice as to what
he should do with a loaf of War bread which was uneatable, as he dared
not destroy it and could not eat it. His only objection to keeping
it as a pet was a fear that it would never become really fond of
children, although it might in time prove a good house-guard with
which to ward off burglars.

***

At the Birmingham Assizes a man has been sent to prison for publishing
a pamphlet entitled "Questions for Parsons." He now contemplates a new
pamphlet entitled "Back Answers to the Bench."

***

Owing to the fact that the political situation is not quite clear in
Germany the Reichstag has been adjourned. It is expected also that an
attempt will be made to adjourn the War.

***

A writer in _English Mechanics_ declares that a cornet played near
caterpillars will cause them to drop to the ground and die. We
understand that the R.S.P.C.A. plead with allotment-holders to destroy
these pests by a less gruesome method.

***

A motor lorry laden with petrol dashed into the front of a house at
Hazelgrove when the family was not at home. It is only fair to say
that the driver did not know they were out.

***

The Barcelona-to-Bilbao motor race has been postponed owing to strikes
in Spain. A few sharp lessons like this will, we feel certain, have
the effect of discouraging the habit of striking.

***

Some men, said a man before the Swindon Guardians, take up angling in
order to go into the country to enjoy a smoke. It is not known why the
others do it.

***

The Board of Agriculture point out that there is an abundant supply
of kippers on the market at reasonable prices. This will come as a
great boon to music-hall audiences, who find that the kippers used
by comedians are getting rather frayed at the edges through constant
wear.

***

"Bad language is used at Billingsgate not so much by the p