ghts so far as to give that promise, my
actions would certainly as far belie my words.

MRS. M. Take yourself to your room! You are fit company for nothing but
your own ill humors.

LYD. Willingly, ma'am; I cannot change for the worse.

MRS. M. There's a little intricate hussy for you! [_Exit._

SIR A. It is not to be wondered at, ma'am; all that is the natural
consequence of teaching girls to read. On my way hither, Mrs. Malaprop,
I observed your niece's maid coming forth from a circulating library:
from that moment, I guessed how full of duty I should see her mistress!

MRS. M. Those are vile places, indeed!

SIR A. Madam, a circulating library in a town is as an evergreen tree of
diabolical knowledge!

MRS. M. Fie, fie, Sir Anthony! you surely speak laconically.

SIR A. Why, Mrs. Malaprop, in moderation, now, what would you have a
woman know?

MRS. M. Observe me, Sir Anthony--I would by no means wish a daughter of
mine to be a progeny of learning; I don't think so much learning becomes
a young woman; for instance, I would never let her meddle with Greek, or
Hebrew, or Algebra, or Simony, or Fluxions, or Paradoxes, or such
inflammatory branches of learning; nor will it be necessary for her to
handle any of your mathematical, astronomical, diabolical instruments;
but, Sir Anthony, I would send her, at nine years old, to a
boarding-school, in order to learn a little ingenuity and artifice.
Then, sir, she should have a supercilious knowledge in accounts; and, as
she grew up, I would have her instructed in geometry, that she might
know something of the contagious countries; above all, she would be
taught orthodoxy. This, Sir Anthony, is what I would have a woman know;
and I don't think there is a superstitious article in it.

SIR A. Well, well, Mrs. Malaprop, I will dispute the point no further
with you; though I must confess, that you are a truly moderate and
polite arguer, for almost every third word you say is on my side of the
question.--But to the more important point in debate--you say you have
no objection to my proposal?

MRS. M. None, I assure you. We have never seen your son, Sir Anthony;
but I hope no objection on his side.

SIR A. Objection!--let him object, if he dare!--No, no, Mrs. Malaprop;
Jack knows that the least demur puts me in a frenzy directly. My
process was always very simple--in his younger days, 'twas "Jack, do
this,"--if he demurred, I knocked him down; and, if he grumbled at that,