. The Hessian was always your favorite, sir, in London.

BRUM. Right, Isidore--so it was. By-the-bye, I have asked Davis here
to-day. It was a great sacrifice; but as you and the young lady want to
have the old gentleman melted, I resigned myself. I hope he'll keep his
knife out of his mouth.

FOTHER. We shall be eternally grateful to you, sir. He wanted Helen to
become old Armand's wife next week.

BRUM. I think he's right; and but for one circumstance, I should be on
Armand's side of the question.

FOTHER. And this circumstance?

BRUM. The brute has a toothpick in his waistcoat pocket, or in the thing
that serves him for a waistcoat--an instrument that, he says, has been
in his family the last fifty years. Conceive, my dear Fotherby, an
hereditary toothpick! No, Mr. Davis does not deserve that fate. And now
let me give you a bit of advice. Never wear perfumes, but fine linen,
plenty of it, and country washing. Look at you now, my good fellow, you
are dressed in execrable taste--all black and white, like a magpie.
Still, never be remarkable. The severest mortification a gentleman can
incur, is to attract observation in the street by his dress. Everything
should fit without a fault. You can't tell what this has cost me--but
then it is a coat--while that thing you wear--I really don't know what
we can call it.

FOTHER. Still, sir, under your guidance I shall improve. By the way, my
mother asked me to invite you to take tea with us in our humble way.

BRUM. Really, my good young friend, you surprise me. Don't you know that
you take medicine--you take a walk--you take a liberty--but you drink
tea! My dear Fotherby, never be bearer of such a dreadful message again.
Isidore! has my Paris wig arrived? Any card or letter?

ISID. No cards, sir. The wig arrived by the diligence.

BRUN. Is the wig fit to put on?

ISID. I have been examining it, and, as the times go, I think it will
do. There is one of the side locks not quite to my taste.

BRUM. Ah! a mat, no doubt--a door-mat! [_Exit_ ISIDORE. _To_ FOTHERBY.]
You see what a gentleman may be reduced to! It's the most fortunate
thing in the world that I never fell in love!

FOTHER. But were you never in love?--never engaged?

BRUM. Engaged?--why, yes, something of the kind; but I discovered that
the lady positively ate cabbage, and so I broke it off.

FOTHER. And so, sir, you will persuade the old gentleman to postpone
Helen's marriage with Armand--while I----

B