itude. I cannot express
the sense I have of your munificence. Yet, sir, I presume you would not
wish me to quit the army.

SIR A. Oh, that shall be as your wife chooses.

CAPT. A. My wife, sir!

SIR A. Aye, aye, settle that between you--settle that between you.

CAPT. A. A wife, sir, did you say?

SIR A. Aye, a wife--why, did not I mention her before?

CAPT. A. Not a word of her, sir.

SIR A. Upon my word, I mustn't forget her, though! Yes, Jack, the
independence I was talking of is by a marriage,--the fortune is saddled
with a wife; but I suppose that makes no difference?

CAPT. A. Sir, sir, you amaze me!

SIR A. What's the matter? Just now you were all gratitude and duty.

CAPT. A. I was, sir; you talked to me of independence and a fortune, but
not one word of a wife.

SIR A. Why, what difference does that make? Sir, if you have the estate,
you must take it with the live stock on it, as it stands.

CAPT. A. If my happiness is to be the price, I must beg leave to decline
the purchase. Pray, sir, who is the lady?

SIR A. What's that to you, sir? Come, give me your promise to love, and
to marry her directly.

CAPT. A. Sure, sir, that's not very reasonable, to summon my affections
for a lady I know nothing of!

SIR A. I am sure, sir, 'tis more unreasonable in you to object to a lady
you know nothing of.

CAPT. A. You must excuse me, sir, if I tell you, once for all, that on
this point I cannot obey you.

SIR A. Hark you, Jack! I have heard you for some time with patience; I
have been cool--quite cool; but take care; you know I am compliance
itself, when I am not thwarted; no one more easily led--when I have my
own way; but don't put me in a frenzy.

CAPT. A. Sir, I must repeat it; in this I cannot obey you.

SIR A. Now, shoot me, if ever I call you Jack again while I live!

CAPT. A. Nay, sir, but hear me.

SIR A. Sir, I won't hear a word--not a word!--not one word! So, give me
your promise by a nod; and I'll tell you what, Jack,--I mean, you
dog,--if you don't--

CAPT. A. What, sir, promise to link myself to some mass of ugliness;
to--

SIR A. Sir, the lady shall be as ugly as I choose; she shall have a lump
on each shoulder; she shall be as crooked as the crescent; her one eye
shall roll like the bull's in Cox's mu-se-um; she shall have a skin like
a mummy, and the beard of a Jew; she shall be all this, sir! yet I'll
make you ogle her all day, and sit up all night to write sonnets on her
be