ost of Language Master at a well-known
Public school, eight were proficient in at least five languages.
However, as the ninth man proved to be an ex-Sergeant-Major, the eight
immediately retired in his favour.

***

We now hear that the question regarding the possession of
Kladizatiffagtaliofatoffka, in Poland, which has caused so much of the
delay at the Peace Conference, has been satisfactorily settled. The four
Big Powers are to have a couple of syllables each and the remaining
three will be raffled for.

***

On account of the large number of robberies of safes that have taken
place in London during the last few weeks it is possible that an effort
will shortly be made to do away with these cumbersome articles in order
to stamp out the epidemic.

***

The bacteriologist of the Oyster Merchants' and Planters' Association
claims to have discovered a means of purifying polluted mussels. To
ascertain if a mussel requires to be purified examine the whites of its
eyes.

***

Newspapers have appeared again in Buenos Ayres. No other troubles are
anticipated.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "I'VE CALLED TO SEE IF YOU COULD MAKE A MINATURE OF ME."]

* * * * *

AMERICA AND SINN FEIN.

[Being a Republican's apology for the recent anti-British agitation
in the States.]

Oh, never let it mar the mutual love,
That now unites us eye to eye,
If, superficially, we seem to shove
Our fingers in your Irish pie--
An action which, if you should so behave,
Would make old MONROE wriggle in his grave.

How loath we are by nature to intrude
In things outside our own concern
Is witnessed by the European feud
In which we lately took a turn;
Ere WILSON'S mind was fixed to see you through it,
For years he wondered if he ought to do it.

And, when for Ireland's good we intervene
In matters patently remote,
You must not count our loyalty less keen--
We simply want the Irish vote;
'Tis an election stunt, this lion-baiting,
Designed for local Kelts who need placating.

So, when our Yankee delegates rehearse
Their tale of Erin's bitter woe,
Of crimes, almost too bad to quote in Erse,
Committed by the Saxon foe,
Please understand why our apparent bias is
In favour of these nimble Ananiases.

And also why, for Ireland's dear, dear sake
(Meaning of course "Ours