ation, one of us--presumably
you--will presently be the central figure in a court-martial or police
court on a charge of abducting an innocent female. The remaining reels
in the film will be devoted to Teddy chasing you with a 5.9 howitzer
for jeopardizing his connubial happiness. But these unhappy concluding
incidents may be averted if you return the wrongful lady to her rightful
owner before Teddy gets back. So we'll take the necessary action
immediately."

"But which one are we going to discard if they both claim to be the
genuine Mrs. R.? Hadn't we better wait for Teddy? He'd be almost sure to
be able to decide."

"You make me tired. It's got to be settled before he comes back."

It was a brace of dejected subalterns that wended their way to 10 _bis_,
Rue Dufay. Percival knocked at the door of the drawing-room and in
response to an invitation they entered. A pretty and extremely composed
young lady greeted them.

"_My_ wife!" said Percival and Frederick simultaneously.

"Excuse me," said the lady with dignity; "the only husband I possess at
present is Mr. Roker."

"What I mean to say is," explained Percival lamely, "that you are the
wife of Mr. Roker that I met at the Customs--I mean, Mr. Roker's wife
that--"

"Me too!" broke in Frederick.

"Well, that's easily explained," said the lady, addressing Percival.
"After you had kindly escorted me here I suddenly remembered that I had
left my keys at the Customs House. Feeling confident of finding my way
about I returned for them. On emerging I was claimed by your fascinating
friend who is at this moment engaged in winding up his monocle
[Frederick guiltily stowed it away in his fob pocket]. He seemed so
delighted at having discovered me that I hadn't the heart to explain
that I'd been found before. Of course I'm excessively grateful to both
of you--Oh, here's dear old Teddy at last!"

During the scene of rapturous greeting that followed Frederick showed
that he indeed had his moments of inspiration.

"What about a vanilla ice at the Patisserie Delarue, old bean?" said he
to Percival.

And, unnoticed by the happy couple, they stole silently away.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Lady who has been handed the card of wife of new
baronet-profiteer)._ "ER--LET ME SEE. DO I KNOW LADY HOGGINS?"

_Butler_. "YOUR LADYSHIP HAS NOT RECEIVED HER SINCE THE CREATION."]

* * * * *

"Surplus Government Pro