ch precipitated me to the spot from which I had started.

Having thrice performed this revolution, by which time I was as flat as
a pancake, I was eventually scraped off by a porter and upbraided for
joy-riding.

Finding that those rebukes left me unmoved, for I was practically
lifeless, certainly boneless, and, to their horror, ticketless, they
folded me up and put me in a drawer pending the arrival of the police.

I was still there when the dream mercifully stopped.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Motor Cyclist_. "WHY THE DEUCE DON'T YOU DRIVE ON THE
PROPER SIDE OF THE ROAD?"]

* * * * *

BIRD-LORE.

II.--PEACOCKS.

Peacocks sweep the fairies' rooms;
They use their folded tails for brooms;
But fairy dust is brighter far
Than any mortal colours are;
And all about their tails it clings
In strange designs of rounds and rings;
And that is why they strut about
And proudly spread their feathers out.

R.F.
* * * * *

"Wanted.--Good stage electrician. No good stage electrician."--_The
Stage_.

There ought to be no difficulty in finding the latter.

* * * * *

CROSS COUNTRY.

A Commander in the Senior Service is the man who gets things done; and
long experience has formulated for him a golden rule: "If you want to
get things done you must _see_ them done." This laudable maxim
applies in a lesser degree to all his subordinates, right down to the
newly-joined boy, who can't very well help seeing _some_ things done,
unless he makes a habit of working with his eyes shut--a practice which
does not appeal particularly to P.O.'s.

The Commander of His Majesty's Battleship _Ermyntrude_ is far from being
an exception to the rule; he is a martyr to it. So are his officers. In
their enthusiasm they have let the rule run riot. You will soon see that
for yourself.

The idea germinated in the practical head of the gunner. It pushed its
way into the upper air under the plain cap of the A.P. It budded under
the (slighted tilted) head-dress of Number One, and blossomed forth into
a full-blown project under the gilded oak-leaves that thatch the Bloke.

He said, "The ship's company will run across country."

The ship's company girded up its loins and awaited further orders.

The course was decided upon. It ran from the signalling station on the
south of the island straight