tion for the
Prevention of Infant Mortality, 4 and 5 Tavistock Square, W.C.1.

* * * * *

[Illustration: A REDRESS REHEARSAL.

OUR MR. MONTAGU _(practising on dummy)._ "THE LATEST LINE IN WESTERN
HEAD-WEAR, SIR, AND, IF YOU WILL ALLOW ME TO SAY SO, VERY BECOMING TO
YOU. THANK YOU, SIR, AND THE NEXT ARTICLE?"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Son of the House (after being introduced to professor of
mathematics)._ "NOW WHAT SHALL I TALK TO YOU ABOUT?"]

* * * * *

A TANGLED TRIANGLE.

The Patisserie Delarue et Salon de Consommations is situated just on the
edge of Europe. Being a place of extreme military importance I dare not
indicate its position with greater exactitude, but may go so far as to
say that it can be found by stepping off the boat, crossing the bridge
and then inquiring of the Military Police. Its importance is due to the
quality of its _creme eclairs_, which attract the gilded Staff in such
large numbers that the interior is usually suffused like an Eastern
sunset with a rich glow of red tabs and gilt braid. Within its walls
junior subalterns, now, alas, a rapidly diminishing species, dally
with insidious ices until their immature moustaches are pendulous with
lemon-flavoured icicles and their hair is whitened with sugared rime.

There it was that Frederick discovered Percival feebly and mournfully
pecking at a vanilla ice.

"Greeting, old Spartan," said he. "Training for the Murman coast?"

"Would that I were!" replied Percival. "I'm refrigerating my sorrows.
I've tried to drown them, but they float; so I'm by way of freezing them
under."

"Poor Perce!" murmured Frederick. "I suppose it's Cox again?"

"_Au contraire_, I'm _his_ sorrow. My present trouble is that I've got
to find a wife."

"Nothin' easier, old thing. Your photo in the illustrated papers, with
appropriate letterpress--"

"You misunderstand me," interrupted Percival. "It's someone else's wife
I've got to find. _Ecoutez_. Teddy Roker has got permission for his wife
to visit him out here. He's expecting her by this afternoon's boat and
has got a billet fixed up all right, but he's been suddenly rushed away
on a court-martial case, so he's asked me to meet her, and I've never
seen her before."

"But didn't he give you the specifications--kind of descriptive return?"

"That's just it!" groaned Percival. "He was only married last leave, an