as
a simple shilling, but as a percentage of this girl's income, it works
out as fully equivalent to sixty or seventy guineas from a millionaire.

PICKERING. How so?

HIGGINS. Figure it out. A millionaire has about 150 pounds a day. She
earns about half-a-crown.

LIZA [haughtily] Who told you I only--

HIGGINS [continuing] She offers me two-fifths of her day's income for a
lesson. Two-fifths of a millionaire's income for a day would be
somewhere about 60 pounds. It's handsome. By George, it's enormous!
it's the biggest offer I ever had.

LIZA [rising, terrified] Sixty pounds! What are you talking about? I
never offered you sixty pounds. Where would I get--

HIGGINS. Hold your tongue.

LIZA [weeping] But I ain't got sixty pounds. Oh--

MRS. PEARCE. Don't cry, you silly girl. Sit down. Nobody is going to
touch your money.

HIGGINS. Somebody is going to touch you, with a broomstick, if you
don't stop snivelling. Sit down.

LIZA [obeying slowly] Ah--ah--ah--ow--oo--o! One would think you was my
father.

HIGGINS. If I decide to teach you, I'll be worse than two fathers to
you. Here [he offers her his silk handkerchief]!

LIZA. What's this for?

HIGGINS. To wipe your eyes. To wipe any part of your face that feels
moist. Remember: that's your handkerchief; and that's your sleeve.
Don't mistake the one for the other if you wish to become a lady in a
shop.

Liza, utterly bewildered, stares helplessly at him.

MRS. PEARCE. It's no use talking to her like that, Mr. Higgins: she
doesn't understand you. Besides, you're quite wrong: she doesn't do it
that way at all [she takes the handkerchief].

LIZA [snatching it] Here! You give me that handkerchief. He give it to
me, not to you.

PICKERING [laughing] He did. I think it must be regarded as her
property, Mrs. Pearce.

MRS. PEARCE [resigning herself] Serve you right, Mr. Higgins.

PICKERING. Higgins: I'm interested. What about the ambassador's garden
party? I'll say you're the greatest teacher alive if you make that
good. I'll bet you all the expenses of the experiment you can't do it.
And I'll pay for the lessons.

LIZA. Oh, you are real good. Thank you, Captain.

HIGGINS [tempted, looking at her] It's almost irresistible. She's so
deliciously low--so horribly dirty--

LIZA [protesting extremely] Ah--ah--ah--ah--ow--ow--oooo!!! I ain't
dirty: I washed my face and hands afore I come, I did.

PICKERING. You're certainly not going to turn her head with