head. The fact was, I was waked up with such an incomprehensible
jingling, ringing, rumbling, and gonging, that I mistook its purport,
and thought the Russians were bombarding the house. I was about
looking out of the window to see if the White House was all safe, when
a negro with a countenance blacker than vengeance protruded his fizzy
head into the door, and without a morsel of knocking commenced
grinning. 'Anything wanted for Major Smooth?' inquires he; and
without waiting for an answer, catches up the bed, Smooth and all the
fixins, and set them somewhat aside. 'Not so fast, Cuff!' said I;
'Smooth is no Major--plain Mister Smooth from the Cape.'

"'Lor, Mas'r' replied the negro, interrupting me; 'when in Washington
t'wont do to be a mite less than a Major-General. Every man what come
to dis city widout his title better come widout himself. Our clerk
what stand at the hogany counter be a General,--Jones, the ostler, be
a Colonel; and Wilkes what keep the oyster shop ober yonder be a
Major! As for Captains, they are as thick and of as little use as
blackbirds. Will you take somethin?' The sagacious negro bowed, and
waited for a reply. I told him that being invited to a fish breakfast
with the General at the 'White House,' I would forbear to liquor until
I had made my bow.

"'S'pose you'll take the customary gin cock-tail, Mr. Smooth?' the
negro rejoined, with an anxious air. Evincing my surprise at such a
proposition, I assured him I did not know its meaning. 'Don't know
what it is!' he exclaimed, with a deep sigh. 'A very fashionable
drink,' he continued; 'gemmen what see de General, and study national
affairs, all take some on em in da mornin.'

"'Now, Cuff,' I rejoined, 'just tell the truth; you mean that in order
to keep the dignity up, it is necessary to take something stiff in the
mornin?'

"'Dat him, mas'r,' says he in reply, accompanying it with a broad
guffaw. 'When mas'r bin to de White House, and seem serious, as if he
ain't got what he want, he put a cock-tail down to make de glorious
come up; it be a great anecdote for what mas'r call de blues.' The
interpretation of what the negro said was that it made a man feel as
if he had the best office in Mr. Pierce's gift safe in his
pocket. Having a reasonable appreciation of a negro's statement, I
consented on the ground of its good qualities--thus represented--to
take a little. The negro left, but soon returned with it in his
hand--all bittered and iced.